Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I've made my bed, but there are some days I really don't want to lie in it.

Have you ever had days where you were upset, really upset, about something but you don't feel like you can talk to anyone about it cuz everyone knows that you made a decision and that your reasons behind that decision were logical and if you complain about having a bad time you will hear them say just suck it up or move on and you desire neither being unfair to them for having to hear about your situation YET AGAIN nor hearing someone else say what you have already said to yourself repeatedly, leaving you feel completely alone?

Yeah, me neither.

Except today.....aaaaannnd maybe yesterday too.....and maybe the day before that. So pretty much every damn day.

Ok.....so maybe not every day.

There are days when the logic prevails and I'm reminded that this was a GREAT decision. It's been going well. Everything has been moving forward. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting a little closer.

Then there are the days when I repeatedly kick myself at the stupidity of this self-torture I've subjected myself to on a freaking near-daily basis. The days when I wonder just how small I will be made to feel. The days when I think I would be so much better off on my own as a single parent. The days when I think of possible reasons for hiring a hit man drinking myself into oblivion running off with a sugar daddy avoiding going home.

I won't go into detail as to why I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs today (many days actually). The details aren't important. And I know that when my best friend in the whole wide world reads this, she'll be saying, "I'll take Dumbasses whose names begin with the letter 'R' for $200 Alex." Cuz even though I won't tell her what's going on, she KNOWS. And I love her for that.

And I know I will get past this. I will get to one of those days when logic will win out. Hopefully I will start to see more of those.

1 comments:

tbooty said...

Actually that would be "dumbasses whose name should be dickhead/fucktard/asshole". (i could go ON AND ON AND ON.) Do I need to come down there & kick some fucktard ass? I love you!!! may not help much, but it's all i got right now. baby's unhappy, gotta go. (and keys are sticking on the laptop and driving me CRAZY!)