Still a Utah Hostage

Moving Day

2010-01-27T14:24:00.000-08:00

I decided to take my blog to a new home and that a move to WordPress was the way to go for me.

If you got to this page, please update your link to:

http://www.uthostage.com/

And come join me at my new home!

Stacey

Wordless Wednesday - Wasatch at Night

2010-01-12T23:37:00.000-08:00

Reflecting on 2009

2009-12-31T10:38:00.000-08:00

2010 is in less than 13 hours. HOLY SHIT Y’ALL!

Wow! This year has totally flown by. It really does seem like we were just at the beginning of 2009. But a lot has happened this year too. I started thinking about everything and came up with a pretty good list of major events(good AND bad) from 2009:

I crept one year closer to turning 40. Damn I’m getting old.

I visited someone very special to me that I hadn’t seen in nearly 20 years.

I found out the company I work for was being bought out and that I would be laid off in early 2010.

I surprised my best friend and little sister by flying out to be at her baby shower. Because, of course, I just HAD to be there.

I stumbled onto Twitter and it SAVED MY LIFE. Ok, so maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but it has totally been The Awesome.

I had the priviledge of attending BlogHer@Home and met some absolutely awesome and down-right funny people! (And the BEST Longhorns fans EVAH! HOOK EM!) (And trust me the links above don’t even BEGIN to cover all the amazing people I met. I promise I’m not trying to slight ANYONE!)

I finally committed to going back to college and finished my first semester (with A’s, yo! WOOT!)

I emancipated mah boobies! Are you shocked? ME TOO! (Yes I’m crazy, but not so crazy to give you the link right to it. If you send booze, then we’ll talk.)

My son came out to Utah and visited for the 2nd year in a row (I’m definitely hoping for a 3rd year too!)

And with all of that going on, I finally began to find my voice. It took a while, and it’s absolutely a work in progress, but it’s been a lot of fun so far. I look forward to see where the journey leads in 2010.

I wish all of you a safe and Happy New Year! I sincerely hope that 2010 brings you lots of joy! Bottoms up!

All my love,

This is exactly why I don't talk about the sperm donor.

2009-12-29T23:18:00.000-08:00

WARNING: This post is a HUGE rant that covers a couple of decade’s worth of shit and even then I’m barely touching on SO many things. I TOTALLY understand if you want to run screaming from it. I want to run screaming from it, and it’s my life! If you do dare to actually read it, well then, consider yourself forewarned.

*****

I have an ex-husband. I admit it.

It’s not that I hide my first marriage. Not in the least. My first marriage played a very big part in shaping the person I am today. I just usually refer to it indirectly (second marriage, second husband, etc.). If you have checked out my sidebar, you might have noticed that I acknowledge my ex-husband briefly. Very. Briefly. And then I go on to say that I don’t like to talk about him. EVER.

I hate my ex-husband. Hate him. Yes, I did just use the H word. And yes, I do know how harsh that sounds.

I met my ex when I was a senior in high school. My first job was at the local roller skating rink (remember those?) and my ex worked there too. We met and got along well enough and started dating about a month after I started working at the rink.

Our relationship…..overall…..was volatile. I can’t think of a better word to describe it. We fought A LOT. I wouldn’t say it was abusive. But it sure as hell wasn’t healthy. It took me years to figure out that I jumped from the frying pan into the fire. I used him as my excuse to get away from my family, which was dysfunctional with a capital D.

I fooled myself into thinking that I loved my ex and stayed in the relationship because the alternative to me was so much worse. It was either him or my family. And it was imperative that I stay away from my family. They were quicksand to me (but that’s a post for another day). So I stayed. Even though he treated me badly. Even through the drugs. Even through the lies.

And then we broke up for a while. Sure, I know NOW that the break up was the best thing. But then? Breaking up with my ex forced me back to my family, which by this time was totally falling apart. I didn’t want to be around that. I still felt I had to get away from them. So when my ex apologized, I took him back.

I was pregnant with my son soon after and we were married a few months later.

After my son was born (at least I think it was after), my ex started having unexplained seizures that left him on disability and without a driver’s license. We had to move in with his parents, which just added more stress and things were already bad between us. By the time he went back to work and we moved out, the relationship was in shambles. The lies started again. When I confronted him with the huge lie he had told all along about his health issues, I said it was over. I took my son and left.

I struggled on my own. And I made mistakes. HUGE mistakes. Mistakes that I still kick myself for. One of those mistakes gave my ex the foothold he needed to separate my son from me. After that, he filed for divorce. Before the divorce was final, I felt like I hadn’t given the marriage 100% effort. I know now that it really was about still staying away from my family. I just didn’t have enough faith in myself.

The lies continued. My ex said that he had a vasectomy. Can you guess what happened next? You got it. I wound up pregnant. Luckily, that pregnancy did not go to term. I can’t even begin to imagine what it would have been like if we had another child together. I don’t want to.

Sadly, I stayed with him for quite a few more months. The divorce was final, but we were still dating. At some point, I FINALLY got a clue! I realized that I had given the marriage every effort, and that I deserved so much better. I told my ex that it was over.

To say he took it badly was an understatement. And he had the upper hand. He had my son. My ex knew that I wanted nothing to do with him, but he knew I wanted my son. And he used it against me every chance he got. When I moved out of state a few years later, I tried to work with my ex on a reasonable visitation, but he would have none of it. The day I left CA was the worst day ever. I didn’t see my son after that for 7 years.

My ex wasn’t planning to make it easy for me to stay in touch. He changed his phone number and refused to let me have it to try to keep me from contacting my son. He even took my son out of town on a weekend I drove back to CA. Yes, my ex knew I was coming. I made plans with him a month in advance. He was just being vindictive. I also knew he was bad mouthing me to my son (which was confirmed in a conversation my son and I had a couple of year s ago). He even told my son that if I attended his high school graduation, he wouldn’t be there. I showed up anyway (TAKE THAT MOTHERFUCKER!).

Thankfully, my son’s (paternal) grandmother made sure I was in his life. She is the primary reason I have such a good relationship with my son today. I will never forget her for that.

*****

I told you all of that because of the phone call I received from my son today. It started off as any other normal conversation. He wanted to get a phone number from me. The more he talked, though, the more I knew something was off. So I asked what happened. He said his father kicked him out last night.

And I wanted to kill my ex. Right fucking then and there.

My son was out here in Utah for a visit just a week ago. We talked about how things were at home. I was concerned at how my son described his father’s recent actions. They didn’t make sense to me. I wondered if his actions had anything to do with my son coming out to visit me. I kept it to myself, though, for my son’s sake. I only said here and there that I didn’t agree with certain things and that I didn’t understand why his father was being that way.

When my son went back home it seemed like things were going to be okay. He told his father he was going to move up to Sacramento because the city college there had space available in his degree (the junior college in Stockton where he currently lives is full). I supported his decision and it sounded like his father did too.

I don’t know what changed. And neither does my son. An argument yesterday culminated in my ex telling my son to get out and leave his keys. He also told my son that he is not allowed to call the house or his father’s cell phone. My son is not allowed to go to the house to get his things. Until this Thursday. For 3 hours. Seriously?!?!

I am at a loss. I don’t understand this at all. My son doesn’t do drugs. He doesn’t drink. He doesn’t smoke. He goes to his classes. He EXCELS in his classes. He is responsible. I DO NOT understand what could have happened that would justify this kind of reaction from my ex.

And it makes me wonder if it has to do with me. Is this my ex’s final vengeful act? He can’t use custody against me anymore, since my son is an adult. So is this his one last ditch effort to try to hurt me? I don’t know.

What does hurt me is that I’m not close enough to help my son. I want so badly to be there for him. But I can’t. And it kills me right now. I’ve been crying on and off since I got his call today. I know my son is strong and he will get through this, but I feel like he needs me. And dammit I’M HIS MOTHER! I should be there, right?

Good job, sperm donor. You get an A+ for acting like an ass and driving your son away. I hope you’re proud of yourself. Because in the end, YOU’RE the one who has truly lost.

Fifi saved me from another possbly embarrassing situation.

2009-12-28T09:31:00.000-08:00

Husband: Why is the TV screen all slobbery and gross?

Me: Umm…..I dunno. I can tell you what it WASN’T from. It was NOT from me making out with Tom Selleck last night.

Husband: Huh?

Me: Cuz that totally didn’t happen. It must have been the dog.

Husband: What dog? We don’t have a dog.

Me: WTF? What do you mean we don’t have a dog? How could you forget Fifi?

Husband: Fifi?

Me: Yes, Fifi! Our little cockapoo? The one that bit you on the leg last week?

Husband: YOU bit me on the leg last week.

Me: Nooooo. I was pulling Fifi OFF you. She was upset cuz you were ignoring her. I was trying to protect you. Your welcome.

Husband: We do NOT have a dog.

Me: HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? It’s bad enough that you ignore her. Now you’re just being cruel.

Husband: *sigh*

Me: Shhhh! Magnum PI is coming on.

Now that I think about it, I’m not sure if any of that really happened. Except maybe the part about the TV screen being all slobbery and gross. Cuz I don’t need yet another restraining order.

What? You think Tom Selleck would make out with me in real life?

Yeah, me too.

Mormon Graffiti

2009-12-24T19:26:00.000-08:00

Driving down Bangerter Highway, you will often see messages written in the fences that cross the highway.

In plastic cups. True story.

You will see anything from birthday messages to welcome home messages for missionaries. Even marriage proposals. They usually don't last long. You might see the messages intact once as you drive by. The next time you pass by? The messages are most likely distorted, possibly even transformed into something totally different from the original message.

I took this picture on the way to work this morning. This message has been intact for I think 3 weeks now. I'm amazed at how much effort was put into it and at how respecful people have been to not destroy it. Of course now that I've said that.....well, you know.

Wordless Wednesday - the best picture EVAH!

2009-12-16T16:55:00.000-08:00

What can I say? I makez pretty peoplez!

I don't understand.

2009-12-14T12:09:00.000-08:00

He was pissed off. At me. I didn’t understand why. So I asked.

Instead of getting an answer, I was insulted. I was called a whore.

I didn’t understand why.

The insults continued.

I explained that I didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I didn’t do anything wrong.

I was told that I was not trusted. That I was in danger of crossing a line.

I wasn’t. I was falsely accused.

I never did anything remotely close to what I was being accused of. I know I didn’t. I explained that and the insults stopped. I thought things would calm down.

I was wrong.

Somewhere in the middle of the conversation, I was the bad person again. The insults resumed.

And then it was quiet. He left.

Hours later, I received an apology, but I was still upset. I wasn’t being unreasonable. An apology just didn’t sweep it all away and make it not have happened. And when I explained that?

I was told to bury it.

Not asked.

Told.

Demanded actually.

I was supposed to bury the fact that I had been treated badly. I was supposed to act as if nothing ever happened.

How could I do that? WHY would I do that?

And because I wouldn’t ‘bury it’, I was the bad person all over again. The cycle repeated. The insults resumed.

Except that I still had not done anything wrong.

And I still didn’t understand why.

The next morning, I received another apology. I was told he was wrong. I was told he overreacted. I was told he acted immaturely. But he still didn't acknowledge that I didn't do anything wrong.

I explained that I can't let this keep happening. I can't continue to be a verbal punching bag. He agreed.

So now I try to get past it. But it's hard. It gets harder each time. And when I think about what happened...

...I still don't understand why.

*sigh*

Wordless Wednesday

2009-12-09T09:01:00.000-08:00

Now if only I could remember what I did with the disk.....

Hell really has frozen over and I can prove it.

2009-12-07T10:58:00.000-08:00

Theorem - Hell has frozen over.

Proof - According to Miriam-Webster’s Dictionary, one of the definitions of hell is:

2 a : a place or state of misery, torment, or wickedness.

Misery.

Torment.

Wouldn’t living in a state I loathe for the past 7 years (7 YEARS? WTF?), dealing with the end of my marriage, and getting laid off from my job in two months qualify for being in a state of misery and/or torment? Yeah, I think so too. *snort* (I promise you there’s more to that list, but then we totally go off-topic and skirt the realm of TMI, so it’s best for me to just keep those to myself.)

Therefore, I am in hell.

And since this is what it looks like today:

We can conclude that hell has truly frozen over.

On My Mind

2009-12-01T13:08:00.000-08:00

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. Whew!

This year was a simple one for us, and I for one (maybe the ONLY one) was glad for it. We ended up getting a Honeybaked Ham (instead of being covered in turkey guts) and just had a few sides with it. Trust me that was more than enough. And no tryptophan comas this year. SCORE!

*****

Two weeks left and I will have SURVIVED THE 1ST SEMESTER! Where’s my gold statue? (btw, it’s spelled s-t-a-c-E-Y! *sigh*)

The homework for the four PowerPoint chapters in my computer class is crammed into the next two weeks. I KNOW! Plus the final PowerPoint project is due next week too. I’m actually thinking of doing very little for the final project, or not even doing it at all. I have such a high grade in that class, it wouldn’t hurt.

And then there’s the math final, which shouldn’t be too bad. I hope.

I got an email from the college saying that course evals are now available online and they’re due by Dec. 13th. That gives me plenty of time to figure out what I’m going to say about the psycho professor from hell. It totally goes without saying that I will NOT miss her. At. All.

This Friday I will finally be allowed to register for the spring semester (cuz I’m still low on the credits totem pole). I’ve decided on 2 programming classes, but I still haven’t quite figured out if I will take 2 or 3 more classes and what they will be yet. Good thing work is ~~slow~~ DEAD. It might actually give me a chance to figure that all out by Friday. Or not. I’m still behind on blog reading you know.

*****

November 19th was my one year blogiversary. And my blog stayed silent.

I could blame the silence on work. I could blame it on school. I could blame it on the fact that I killed like a million brain cells when I got totally shitfaced that week. But the truth is…..

I don’t know WHAT the truth is.

I don’t know why I write less and less lately. I don’t know why I remind myself that I need to write, and then find anything else I can think of to do instead (and my office is looking better than ever these days!). I don’t know why I write blog posts in my head when I lay down each night (but not write them down) only to completely forget what the hell I was thinking about when I wake the next morning.

I’m hoping it’s just a phase and that it passes quickly.

*****

I had the strangest dream last week. I was at my high school reunion and NO ONE TALKED TO ME. NO ONE. It was absolutely awful. And then I was asked to be a server of some sort. And I was all WTF? I'm being ignored and now I'm asked to wait on the people who are ignoring me? I so don't think so. So I left the reunion bawling.

It was SO WEIRD. I already went to my reunion last year. And even though I wasn't the most popular kid in school (in fact far from it...I was a total band geek), I wasn't ignored. I did, however, manage to make an ass out of myself a couple of times cuz I totally remembered someone's face, but completely forgot their name and even called them by a different one. Brilliant Stacey, just plain brilliant.

I'm so sorry Juan! I really do remember you! You can totally accept my Facebook friend request now!

Yeah, like he reads my blog.

WTF?

2009-11-24T14:43:00.000-08:00

Originally, I was gonna file this under gigglesnorts. But I really think it falls more under a WTF? Because, obviously.

Seriously?

I'm turning WHAT?????

2009-11-22T16:46:00.000-08:00

Inside out?

Upside down?

Japanese? (I don't really think so, think so, think so, think so.)

Actually...I'm turning 40. 40. The big four-oh. Ugh.

My mom used to have a refrigerator magnet that said:

I'd rather be 40 than pregnant.

Of course, at the time, I was neither 40 nor pregnant. I thought the magnet was silly and told my mother as much. She just laughed and said that she agreed with the sentiment. Fine mom, whatEVER!

Well, 40 is quickly approaching, and I have been pregnant a time or two. I no longer think that my mother's magnet was silly, but I haven't quite figured out whether or not I agree with the statement.

Until recently, my age has never bothered me. I've been lucky enough to not look my age (and THANKYOUVERYMUCH to whomever had a hand in that!). And I haven't really exeperienced any real mid-life crisis feelings, unless you count the fact that I've poked more holes in my head (like I need more of those, right?). No boy toys, no sports cars, etc. Maybe that happens after I turn 40? Time will have to tell on that.

The only times I have even been slightly weirded out about my age is when I think of how I have an 19-year old son who is in college. College. Oh my GAWD I'm old! It also doesn't really help that I'm in college now too (can you say potential paradox?).

Over a year ago, I decided that I had no intention of spending my 40th birthday in Utah. No. Way. In. Hell. I was gonna do something fun and something REALLY BIG. And I knew that I wanted to share it with one of my dearest friends. I didn't even have any idea of what to do then, but she said she was totally up for it. So I put my thinking cap on. I heard the gears turning up there and smelled smoke a couple of times but got no real result. Well.....CRAP!

Then I remembered how much fun I had on a cruise to Cabo I took in 2007 with my friend & an amazing group of gals. And I thought THAT'S WHAT WE SHOULD DO! We always talked of taking another cruise somewhere. And is there a more perfect reason than to ~~commiserate~~ celebrate with someone who is ~~depressed about getting over the hill~~ super excited about being 40 and SEXY!

So in less than two months, we are off on a cruise to the Bahamas! WOOT! I cannot tell you how excited I am to be spending my 40th birthday doing something really big, just like I planned. And with such great women. I know it will be a birthday to remember.....in a good way.

Purge, purge again, and just when you think you're done, purge some more.

2009-11-17T23:34:00.000-08:00

I wouldn't consider myself a pack rat. Now. When I was younger, though, I started to come pretty darn close. I kept EVERYTHING.

You, know how it is. You keep every little thing because you just KNOW that someday you will need it or be able to use it.

You need more space to store every little thing you keep because you just KNOW that someday you will need it or be able to use it.

You need a bigger home to get more space to store every little thing you keep because you just KNOW that someday you will need it or be able to use it.

You need more money to pay for the bigger home to get more space to store every little thing you keep because you just KNOW that someday you will need it or be able to use it.

Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. (There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. I don't know why she swalloed the fly. Perhaps she'll die.) I guess you could say the things I have kept are my fly.

Moving has always offered an opportunity to get rid of some stuff. Why pack it when you can purge it, right? Right. But no matter how much I get rid of, I think I only get through the surface and maybe 2-3 underlying layers. Tops.

And then I just start amassing NEW stuff. Such a vicous cycle.

Well, I'm getting closer to breaking the cycle. The downfall of my marriage, my impending "over the hill" status, and getting thrown out on my collective career-ass, just to name a few, have me thinking of ways to simplify my life. FAST.

I'm starting with closing my MK business. Honestly, it's time. I've been trying to decide what to do with it ever since I started, but never actually DOING anything with it. On any level. I just don't see that getting any better in the near future, so I'm kickin' it to the curb for now.

Another purge category that is long overdue is my craft items. For years, I was a psychotic craft shopper. Let me clarify something, though. SHOPPING does not imply CREATING. I had ideas of really cool craft projects out the wazoo! Sadly, the ideas never quite panned out or didn't look as good in real life as they did in my head. Man, everything looks/sounds/feels/is SO much better in my head. Maybe I should just go live there!

The last on my list right now are my collectibles. The Bradford Edition plates that hung on a wall for a mere year out of the decade and a half that I have had them. Oh, and my Cherished Teddies. What the HELL was I thinking? Sure, they are freakin cute as hell, and did manage to be on display in my house(s) for a little longer than the plates. But ever since the hostage crisis began (I really do need to explain that sometime, don't I?), they have been nothing more than garage dust collectors. I don't really think that was the artist's intention and it certainly wasn't mine either.

eBay/Craigslist/KSL.com and the like are prolly gonna become my temporary best friends here soon. And hopefully things get a little (or a lot) simpler in my life. Think I can sell the husband? Cuz that would REALLY simplify my life lemme tell ya.

So, I'm curious who else out there is a closet pack rat? Come purge with me peeps! You know you want to.

Gigglesnort of the week

2009-11-14T17:25:00.000-08:00

I totally have dain bramage, but it's not from playing foot-bawl without my hehmet and my showdah-mah-pads.

Thanks Tanya for this blast from the past.

Up yours Winter.

2009-11-13T16:53:00.000-08:00

Winter is nature's way of saying, "Up yours." ~Robert Byrne

Winter was just screwing with us a couple weeks ago when the temperatures finally dropped 30 degrees and there was snow on the ground for about 8 hours. But now I think it may finally be starting to dig in for the long haul.

Then again, maybe not.

The weather people say we're gonna get snow this weekend and the temps are gonna stay in the 30's and 40's for most of the next week. Except ~~you~~ I can never believe those people, so it will probably be balmy 80-degree days instead. It could happen!

Last night, it was raining on my way home from class but I didn't think anything of it. And then this was what I woke up to this morning:

Pretty, huh? I still think it's too early, though, to say the weather people were right. I'M KEEPING AN EYE ON YOU PEOPLE! YOU HAVEN'T WON ME OVER YET!

So, it was below freezing this morning, snow on the ground, ice on my car door handles, and what did I do?

Went to Starbucks and got a mocha frappuccino. Just in case.

Happy Birthday USMC.....damn you're old!

2009-11-10T15:37:00.000-08:00

I'm just kidding about the old part.

Today marks the 234th birthday of the United States Marine Corps. 234 years. Wow. I really did not know that the USMC had been around for that long. Growing up, I could only really equate the Marines with Gomer Pyle, which didn't mean much except that the show was funnier than shit!

Aw come on! Are you kidding me? What do you mean you don't know who Gomer Pyle is?

Well Go-ollly! Talk to the hand. TALK TO THE HAND!

So, Happy Birthday USMC! And thankyouthankyouTHANKYOU to all past, present, and future Marines.

Wait a minute. Don't go thinking that I'm playing favorites with the Marines. My thanks go out to ALL branches of the military. I'm an equal opportunity military supporter. Why else would I have married first an Army guy and then a Navy guy? I'm totally supportive of the military. Either than or I'm totally sadistic. What's next? A Marine? Hmmmm.....there's a thought.

OORAH!

Six Word Saturday

2009-11-07T21:10:00.000-08:00

Yes I miss you. Call me.

I don't believe love is elusive.

Wanna know more about Six Word Saturday? Head over to Cate's page.

The flashback that made me want to get physical.

2009-11-03T22:58:00.000-08:00

nd here's where I let on to just how old I might be.....

I absolutely heart me some '80s music. Love it. In fact, if I'm in need of something to help keep me motivated on a task, you will either find me listening to music from the '80s or disco. No...that is NOT a typo. (Remember that age thing I mentioned at the beginning of this post? Well...there you go.)

Sidenote: As far as I'm concerned, disco will NEVER be dead. You can't shake your ass to anything else like you can to disco. And don't think I don't know that you do it too. In your home. When nobody's watching (at least so you think). You put on Donna Summer's Last Dance and boogie down. Until you hear someone nearby and you run to switch it to Metallica and start headbanging. Cuz that'll totally throw them off the trail of what you were REALLY doing in there. You can admit it now. We all know. DON'T WE.

My most recent '80s flashback had me searching for the video to Olivia Newton-John's Physical. I found what I was looking for and much more. I got two flashbacks for the price of one. (Then again since it didn't cost me anything, it was actually two flashbacks for the price of none. But I digress yet again.)

Remember Solid Gold? (Cue the "ooooo"s and "ahhhh"s here.)

That weekly music countdown show that was only just a small step up from American Bandstand. Where lip synching songs was the ONLY option and was paired with a bunch of HAWT dancers in spandex (Spandex? In the '80s? NAH!). I vaguely seem to remember having a HUGE crush on one of the male dancers. Couldn't tell you which one, though.

That's just some awesome shit right there. She never made a mistake. Her performance was flawless. She never had to take a break in the middle of the song bcuz she was out of breath from her dancing workout (or those steamy hunks dancing with her *fanning self*). And I have absolutely NO idea how my simple little '80s song flashback morphed into poking fun at Solid Gold. I loved that show growing up.

Spooky Six Word Saturday? Perhaps not.

2009-10-31T15:44:00.000-07:00

I've missed that past few SWS (so sad) and my six words today are not spooky (well, I guess they could be depending on how you look at them LOL), but here they are:

Husband's leaving for two weeks. WOOT!

I've made my bed, but there are some days I really don't want to lie in it.

2009-10-27T19:36:00.001-07:00

Have you ever had days where you were upset, really upset, about something but you don't feel like you can talk to anyone about it cuz everyone knows that you made a decision and that your reasons behind that decision were logical and if you complain about having a bad time you will hear them say just suck it up or move on and you desire neither being unfair to them for having to hear about your situation YET AGAIN nor hearing someone else say what you have already said to yourself repeatedly, leaving you feel completely alone?

Yeah, me neither.

Except today.....aaaaannnd maybe yesterday too.....and maybe the day before that. So pretty much every damn day.

Ok.....so maybe not every day.

There are days when the logic prevails and I'm reminded that this was a GREAT decision. It's been going well. Everything has been moving forward. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting a little closer.

Then there are the days when I repeatedly kick myself at the stupidity of this self-torture I've subjected myself to on a freaking near-daily basis. The days when I wonder just how small I will be made to feel. The days when I think I would be so much better off on my own as a single parent. The days when I think of possible reasons for ~~hiring a hit man~~ ~~drinking myself into oblivion~~ ~~running off with a sugar daddy~~ avoiding going home.

I won't go into detail as to why I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs today (many days actually). The details aren't important. And I know that when my best friend in the whole wide world reads this, she'll be saying, "I'll take Dumbasses whose names begin with the letter 'R' for $200 Alex." Cuz even though I won't tell her what's going on, she KNOWS. And I love her for that.

And I know I will get past this. I will get to one of those days when logic will win out. Hopefully I will start to see more of those.

updated You go to hell winter! You go to hell and you die!

2009-10-26T12:00:00.000-07:00

I guess it's time to accept the fact that summer (and apparently fall too for that matter) is over. The weather people say that we're getting snow tomorrow and Wednesday, so I guess I have to accept it (even though I don't trust the weather people as far as I can throw them). I sure as hell don't plan on giving up without a fight, though!

These pictures from our day at Lagoon-A-Beach have been sitting in a blank post for a while now (cuz my brain has been on freakin overload lately). They're the perfect way to stick my tongue out at winter's attempts to cut in line this year, don't you think?

P.S. Ash may have a little pink on her thigh, but I'm the one who ended up fried to a crisp that day. Ah, memories!

Update - Winter's tendrils have apparently have started to creep into my brain, cuz I completely forgot a title to this post. I channeled South Park and think I came up with a good one. Winter totally needs to heed that warning.

updated I will not let Twitter ruin my good mood.

2009-10-20T15:30:00.000-07:00

Overall, today wasn't that great.

I attended two hour-long meetings that were a complete waste of time (but they were shorter than the hour AND A HALF that they were actually scheduled for, so there is that), talked to the secretary of an attorney who can't seem to get it through her head that they ALREADY GOT THE DAMN CHECK (gotta love Payroll, right?), and got extremely frustrated with my problems getting on & viewing tweets (wonder if Brizzly is going to be blocked here at work soon too.....possibly and then I'll REALLY be screwed).

I got a break, though, when I was talking to her about her about her day. We were getting ready to say goodbye, when all of a sudden, OUT OF THE BLUE, she says, "I love you."

And it sucks bcuz I can't tweet it.

Update - And by 'her', I mean my daughter. I guess Twitter flustered me more than even I thought. Great. NOW I'M AN ADDICT! Does that mean it's time for TA. Noooo, not T and A. TA. Twitterers Anonymous.

Nearing the 1st semester half-way point.

2009-10-19T14:18:00.000-07:00

I can’t believe it. I’m just about half-way through my 1st real semester of college. And I haven’t dropped a class. And I actually have an A in both classes. This cannot be me. It just can’t. Me, the high school Junior & Senior year slacker (except in Band, of course), who had to cram the night before and the morning of her high school Economics final in order to graduate (got a B on the final & pulled a D out of the class. Whew!).

I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know it’s coming. I just know it.

It’s funny. My College Algebra class is the one I thought would be tough. I was thinking that a 20-year gap would possibly be too much to overcome. I have been wrong (so far) and I haven’t quite figured out what has made the difference. Is it that whole ‘older but wiser’ concept? Is it that I’m putting forth more effort this time around? Is it that this professor just explains it better? All of these are quite possible, though I’m not sure I can pin the difference down to just one reason. Maybe it’s all of them. Maybe it’s that I have better liquor now. Who knows!

My Computer Essentials class is a whole OTHER story. It’s a stupid prerequisite for the programming classes I need (which I really don’t get at all, but whatever). I was feeling going into the class that it should be an easy A. For the most part, it is. EXCEPT. Except for the fact that the (associate) professor teaching this class is treating the Word section like an English class (e.g. I have to write a paper for my Word Final Project). WTF? AND (here’s one of the best parts) she is grading based on a statement in the book that says something ‘typically’ does not occur. Since when does typically equal a hard coded rule? When you point that out to her and provide examples to support it? She says the book says so, so that’s what it is. She shows a complete disregard of the points made. Might as well have not said a damn thing. I talk to others who have taken the same class at the same school under different professors and I get a very different view. Figures. I get the professor who for all I know is being this way thinking it will get her tenure. It was a mistake to take this class from her. I wish I could test out of it, but that’s not an option. Oh well. I am looking forward to the course eval when this is all over.

Getting a spider put on your fingernail is a bad idea. Cuz you'll probably die. Or go to prison. Where you'll die. Or become someone's bitch.

2009-10-10T19:00:00.000-07:00

Basically, nothing good can come of it, so just don't do it.

I have acrylic nails. I have had them forever and I maintain them RELIGIOUSLY. I really don’t have a choice. I have to keep them up. If I don’t, I will have no nails. None. Cuz I’m a nail biter. No, you don’t understand. I’m a BAD nail biter (or would that be a good one?). I’ve been one as long as I can remember. I even think I remember my mom saying once that I came out of the womb with no nails. Which means I probably had it from conception. I totally blame my mom. And she is a former biter too, which supports my case. Thanks so much for the genetic defect MOM!

I go in last Saturday for a backfill, like clockwork. The nail place I go to has a HUGE display table full of examples. Anything & pretty much everything you can think of, they've got. Plus they rotate in some seasonal examples ~~cuz they're greedy mothers~~ cuz it's just good business. I head over to the display table looking for something Halloweeny (WTF is wrong with me? Halloweeny?). But anything I remotely give a second glance to is like an additional $30+. I don’t THINK so. Then my nail tech comes over to ‘help’ and I know I’m in trouble. Actually, ‘in trouble’ doesn’t really cut it. I’m screwed. I just can’t say no to her. So, I let her talk me into getting a spider on one of my nails. Great. Just great.

She gets the backfill done first just like normal. Then it’s time for the spider. She puts a big glob of black ~~acrylic~~ goo in the middle of my nail. I just KNOW that there’s an egg sac in there that's just waiting for Halloween night to bust open and take me as a human sacrifice. But how do I tell her NOOOOO! I’m not ready to die yet! without coming across as rude? I just can’t do it. I just can’t tell her that her idea scares the living shit outta me. So I suffer in silence. And while the end result is quite attractive and season appropriate, it does nothing to calm the horrific fears I have of what is to come on Halloween.

And since then.....

I have to hide that fingernail. I have noticed the spider eyeing people around me looking for more potential victims. YIKES! I can’t let that happen! I’d go to prison for murder cuz who in their right mind would believe that a spider on my nail killed people? Plus, I would not make a good inmate. I would completely freak out. Which would leave me a prime candidate to get a shiv in the prison yard. Yep, I’m that girl. Or another inmate would corner me in the shower and make me her bitch. Neither of those are good options for me.

Also, everytime I catch the spider out of the corner of my eye, I freak out screaming, “Spider! OMG! A SPIDER!” Then I grab my stapler and start banging my hand with it yelling, “Kill it! Kill it! KILL IT!” And then my biting habit kicks in, but I CAN’T GET IT OFF!

So now my hand is a sick combination of black/blue/purple/yellow and that finger is all shredded and bloody. It’s pretty much completely useless. Which is why it took me a week to write this post. And my job is in danger of ending even earlier. I keep getting written up for being a disruption in the office. But then again, my job will be over when I get arrested for murder anyway.

Can anyone recommend a lawyer? I’m gonna need a good one to keep me from going to prison. And then I think I'm gonna sue my nail technician. It's all her fault. Better yet, I’ll sic my spider on her. Yeah, that would work.

Gigglesnort of the week - 10/5/2009

2009-10-05T21:28:00.000-07:00

I follow Jenny The Bloggess. She is butter. Butter I tell you. She is death by butter. Before the chorus of The Hell? hits the comments, let me explain. Chefs always say cooking with butter is awesome. So by calling The Bloggess butter, I'm professing her total AWESOMENESS! I shit you not.

I also follow another blog that Jenny's involved with, Good Mom/Bad Mom. This one has some funny shit too, even if the Houston Chronicle tries to contain her awesomeness. You CANNOT contain The Bloggess! Anyway, while reading a recent post, a commenter (TC) provided this week's gigglesnort:

What I wanna know is, why the fuck didn't Santa leave THAT doll under my Christmas Tree? I was screwed.

Rock on Bloggess and all your awesome followers!

Six Word Saturday

2009-10-03T11:08:00.000-07:00

Lounging around and avoiding homework today.

Check out Six Word Saturday here!

Gigglesnort of the week

2009-09-25T20:07:00.000-07:00

Mondays are rapidly becoming work avoidance days, so I'm getting caught up on my to do list from yesterday.

Many of you are asking, "WTF is a gigglesnort? A lot of my friends can tell you just exactly what it is. A gigglesnort is something that is so amazingly funny, so outrageously funny, so laugh-out-loud funny that it causes me to snort. And it's no itty bitty snort that leaves you wondering whether or not you really heard it. It's loud. There's no mistaking EXACTLY what is and EXACTLY where it's coming from (i.e. me). And I want to share the things that make me gigglesnort (or come really close to it). Cuz I don't wanna be alone. I KNOW there is someone else out there that will react just as I do. You know who you are.

So to start it all off an email I received this past week from a friend:

A professor at the University of North Carolina was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?" She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.

Disclaimer: I did some research so that I could properly credit the source, but did not find it at the time this was posted. If anyone comes across it, let me know and I will update this post. Thank you!

Countdown to New Moon

2009-09-21T17:54:00.000-07:00

My friend Jamie bugged me forEVER to read the Twilight series. Every time I saw her, she asked if I started reading the books yet. Every. Time. And quite a few others I knew were reading the books too. So, finally, I indulged my friend. And then I wanted to bitchslap her cuz I was hooked. Damn her! LOL So now I'm a fan of the Twilight series. I LOVE those books!

Twilight the movie wasn't as good as the book, but I liked it. Jamie and I saw it together, of course. I am even looking forward to the New Moon movie in theaters November 20th. And I LOVE this New Moon movie poster! Jacob (Taylor Lautner) is freakin HAWT! I grabbed the movie countdown (conveniently on the movie poster I love) from Stephenie Meyer's New Moon movie website and you can grab it too.

I need to call Jamie so we can make plans to see the movie together.

My mood at the beginning of the evening would have fit in better at a 2 Live Crew show instead of a Rick Springfield show.

2009-09-20T22:23:00.001-07:00

Well, I just finished my homework, so let's see if I can downshift and talk about this weekend. I know there are some curious minds out there. Now, it's entirely possible that this will make sense to no one else but me. And I will not be in the least offended if you run screaming from this post. LOL

Last Friday is the Rick Springfield concert in Wendover. The show starts at 8pm and the trip takes 2 hrs from our house(especially going down Bangerter). I plan to leave home around 5 pm to allow time for motel check-in and maybe food (big maybe). The husband leaves work at Noon to take our daughter to stay with his mother. Even with travel time, he has plenty of time to get ready. I leave work at 4pm, like I planned, cuz I can't take the day off or leave much earlier than that. I plan to dress casual, cuz it's not Vegas people. It's just Wendover. But I want to fix my hair and makeup a little, though. Anyone who really knows me knows that I didn't already have my hair and makeup done for work. And I still need to pack a few things. I get home to find the husband dressing up. And I'm all, "You don't need to dress up. I'm not." He says he wants to dress a little nicer. Fine. Whatever. I pack my stuff in the suitcase and all that's left is to change my top and fix my hair/makeup. Husband says he thought about going to the bank, but didn't actually do it cuz we can stop by on the way out of town. That makes no sense to me since he left work more than 4 hours ago, but fine. Whatever. He then remarks that he didn't realize this was a dress rehearsal. And I'm all, "Dress rehearsal? WTH is that supposed to mean?" And he says nevermind, which of course pisses me off. So when he does finally answer me, it's a derogatory remark about me wanting to make myself look a little nicer. And I'm all, WTF? You're dressing up and you can't understand why I wanna do my hair and put on some makeup? You left work when? And you couldn't bother to stop by the bank to save us some time? Seriously? Ok, so that was all in my head, but still. I was pissed. So I go into the bathroom (slamming the door for the desired effect) and realize that there's no time to do my hair or makeup. That's just great. Thankyouverymuch. I throw my hair up in a ponytail and come out of the bathroom to start throwing my last few things together. Maybe I'll have some time once we get there to put some makeup on. I tell the husband that I'm upset about not doing anything wrong, but yet being made to feel really small for needing to do a few things. The husband then decides to tell me to go by myself and to have a good time. I NEED to have a good time by myself, he says. And I'm all, "Absolutely not! I'm not going to give you an opportunity to throw it back in my face later that I was a bitch who kept you from going to this concert! You're going!" I may not speak to you for the entire trip, but you are FUCKING GOING! Ok, so that last part was an exaggeration. I grab everything except his CPAP and stomp down the stairs. The husband is behind me mumbling how I'm stubborn for not letting him carry anything. And I'm thinking, Dood, you just need to shut the hell up and get in the damn car before I change my mind! I throw everything in the car. And realize I'm starving. I know I won't be eating before the show and I WILL be drinking. A LOT. That's a given at this point. So I search the pantry for something to eat and the husband asks if I want yogurt. And I'm all, "Yogurt? And exactly how am I supposed to eat that?" He says with a spoon. And I'm all, "Seriously? While I'm driving?" Cuz I'll be damned if I'm gonna let YOU drive! We get on the road and he doesn't say a word. Not one. For like 30 minutes. And I'm thinking, Dood, you are SO not helping your case. He finally apologizes, and for once it actually sounded sincere (Long story. Really REALLY long story.). And he offers to drive so I can get ready. No way I'm letting him drive when we're in a time crunch. HELL no. So we settle into a slightly less awkward silence for a while, which is just fine by me.

The rest of the drive was uneventful until the last 30 miles or so, which is where we encounter a bunch of drivers that are freakin' STOOPID. They have no idea of how to drive on a two-lane highway (hint: YOU DON'T CAMP YOUR ASS IN THE LEFT LANE! I'm just sayin.). My tolerance on the road is...oohh...zero. Zilch. Nada. Especially now. So, to get away from them, I end up doing 100 the rest of the way to Wendover. The husband looks over at one point, and I'm all, "Yes, I AM doing a hundred!" Just stay on your side of the car. You're still on my shitlist! Ok, so I only really said that first part. But the rest was on the tip of my tongue, I promise you.

Capping off the night? The motel. I have a reservation, but there's a delay checking in. The desk clerk goes to get someone's help. Oh shit. This other person comes out and says that the reservation was cancelled. Ummmmm, I didn't cancel my reservation. The new clerk says they have one room available (a suite) that's $129.95. Ummmm, I STILL didn't cancel my reservation that was booked at $60. She says they'll get it fixed. She calls customer service who tells her they cancelled the reservation per a phone call on 9/6/09. Ummmm, oooook. I supposedly called to cancel my reservation that I made ONLINE and no one thought to send me a confirmation ONLINE that it was cancelled? Sure, I totally get that. I do it all the time. Amazingly, I stay calm (I have NO idea how at this point). The clerk says they'll fix it and gets us a room. I'm all, Didn't you just say that you only had one room? Sweet, we're gettin the suite? Niiiice! Oh, we're getting a regular room? Fine. I'll take it. We're running out of time before the show starts, so I don't fucking care anymore. I just want a place to sleep tonight. Wait! Didn't you just say that you only had one room left?

We head straight to the concert hall after that and I'm so close to spewing forth the slew of 4-letter words I've been bottling up for the past 2 hours. Ask Twitter. I've got just enough time to throw on some mascara before the concert. And with a wave of that magic wand, I'm transformed into Princess Cinderella who gets swept off her feet by Prince Charming. Ok, so maybe it wasn't quite that magical. Rick never got anywhere near me. But I got to see a great show.

And I can't believe it just took me 3 hours to write this. I was reliving it.....in real-time. Great.

My 1st Girl Talk Thursday

2009-09-17T20:46:00.000-07:00

What kind of undergarments do you wear? Panties? Bra? Underoos?

I think this topic is a brilliant way to start participating in Girl Talk Thursday, don't you? Sadly, it will be pretty short cuz I'm writing this kinda late and I'm starting to get sleepy. I probably will re-read this tomorrow and add some brilliance to it that I just might miss tonight (watch for the update! LOL).

I have a little late-blooming love for undergarments. But if I had money, it would be a full-blown obsession! I would need a separate closet for just my undergarments! True story. I have my comfy undergarments for some days. The girls need support after all and I'm all about support. But...on the flip side...I just love sexy, frilly, racy, steamy undergarments that just plain make me feel hawt! I am not (I repeat NOT) afraid of thongs. BRING ON THE BUTT FLOSS! Even if no one sees my underwear, I know they are there. And that knowledge it a huge ego boost. HUGE. And the times when someone does get to see them? Honey there's not enough water in the WORLD to put that fire out!

And since Victoria's Secret can't seem to get a fucking clue of what size a REAL sexy woman wears, I have to say how much I love Frederick's of Hollywood. Frederick's is this sexy woman's saving grace. I wouldn't be able to indulge my addiction without them. Actually, I think it's time I head upstairs and do some indulging. For me. My ego could use a boost.

Picture Day is an evil plot to destroy parenthood as we know it.

2009-09-17T07:38:00.000-07:00

Today is Picture Day and I'm ready to scream and commit murder/death/kill. Over hair. Seriously.

My daughter is no girlie-girl. She is definitely more of a tomboy. But I'm usually fairly successful in making a compromise with her so that she at least looks somewhat like a girl. Except with her hair. I can barely get her to comb her hair, let alone *do* anything with it. If she had her way, she would always wear a hat. But she doesn't always get her way. I win on occasion, picking my battles carefully. I'm sorry, but I want to have *some* pictures/memories where I can say "There's my beautiful little GIRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLL!"

So this morning the husband tells Ashley to get ready for school so that I can do her hair. And we get the bi-annual *tongue click-foot stomp-sigh-"Noooooo!"*. We'll see/hear it again in the spring when it comes time for those pictures. Can't wait. Her response always helps our mood *so* much and at that point we're all GETREADYFORSCHOOLRIGHTNOW!

Have I told you that I've always wanted to be a motivational speaker? No? Well, that's good, cuz I don't.

After Ashley gets dressed, she comes in my bathroom. And it begins. I'm having a mental discussion with her hair begging it to help me find an appropriate style that won't be too difficult to do. Ok, let's see. I know...I'll comb this part down. Yes. Wet it a little so it lays right. That's good. Ashley, will you please stand up straight and stop tilting your head. Thank you. Now I'll take this small part and wave it back. Hmmm... Maybe. Maybe if I put in a clip to hold it in place? Ye...no. That clip won't hold. Ashley...PLEASE. *sigh* I don't have another clip. The few small clips I have won't match her outfit! WHY DON'T I HAVE ANY OTHER CLIPS? Oh, wait, I found one. Whew! Ok, so let me grab that piece again and wave it back. Slide in the clip. Crap! There's a piece sticking up. Ok, take the clip back out. Comb it back down. Let's try this again. Wave that piece back. And slide in the clip. Almost there. And check her wispy bangs. And ohmyfuckingGODAshley! Can you PLEASE just hold still for 5 minutes so I can make you look like you weren't rolling around in the planter this morning?

These few and far between styling sessions ALWAYS end the same way. I'm pissed off and she's in tears. Over hair. Seriously. Can I tell you how much I'm looking forward to puberty?

And so *I* end up late for work looking like the walking dead. Cuz after all that? I don't give a flyingfartinspace what *I* look like today.

P.S. I'll have to ask my Mom if she had to go through this crap with me on Picture Days. I'm thinking no, but that could be early dementia setting in (I have CRS - Can't Remember Shit) or from the bender I (think I) was on last night.

Dancing in the street? Maybe not today.

2009-09-14T13:16:00.001-07:00

It's raining. The first big fall rain of the year.

Not that sprinkly shit that decides to tease everyone with the possibility of a temperature drop, but then says "PSYCH!" and stops leaving us hot AND wet. Not from the rain, though, but from the following muggi-ness that hangs afterwards.

Afternoon rain reminds me of another afternoon, a freakin' million years ago (a.k.a. high school). I can't remember what time of the year it was (cuz it was a freakin' million years ago. What part of that did you NOT get?). My friend Robyn and I were at my house and it started to rain. Only it was still sunny outside. So what did we do? We went outside and danced in the rain. In the middle of the street. True story. Cars drove by and we waved. WAVED. We waved at them and kept dancing. After, we went back in the house, soaked and laughing.

There are times when I miss those days. Like today. The first big fall rain. And I would love nothing more than to go outside and dance in the rain. Maybe not in the middle of the street. I'm not crazy. I AM NOT!

Ok, so I just looked out the window. It's raining REALLY hard. And it's REALLY windy. And there's thunder and lightning. I think I will have to postpone my rain dancing for now.

Fuck. My car windows are open.

Six Word Saturday

2009-09-05T13:35:00.000-07:00

Frustrated with college online computer class!

Check out Six Word Saturday here!

One week down.....

2009-08-25T22:33:00.000-07:00

I actually finished my college checklist. WOOT!

Apply/get accepted (completed)

Take placement tests (completed)

Complete New Student Orientation (completed)

Apply for financial aid (completed)

Select classes (completed)

Start classes VERY IMPORTANT! (completed)

I survived my first week, amazingly, considering how much things have changed. I'm taking one in-person class and one online class, but all my homework is online. So weird. I spent hours yesterday doing my homework for my College Algebra class bcuz not only am I learning how to use MyMathLab for homework, I'm re-learning a lot of Algebra (or more accurately refreshing my memory).

The online class I'm taking is Computer Essentials. If I don't ace this class, I deserve to be bitchslapped. And I already have friends waiting in line to help me out with that. Gotta love 'em!

I haven't written here anywhere near as much as I would like. I hope it doesn't get worse over the next few months. But who knows, maybe my college experiences will give me even more to write about.

Tales of a 5th grade superstar!

2009-08-19T11:04:00.001-07:00

She's a superstar in my eyes, of course.

This child, who regularly sends me to my *happy place*.

This child, who is not a mini me, but is a spot-on mini him (in personality more than anything).

This child, who couldn't wait to get rid of me on her 1st day, even at a brand new school.

This child, who was FINALLY able to give us the details of her day at school without a single "I don't know."

This child, who was AMAZED at having more lunch choices at her new school (and actually had a salad on her 2nd day. WHO IS THIS GIRL?).

This child, who is growing up so fast. She truly is a superstar.

updated It's blog play time with Stacey.

2009-08-13T09:39:00.000-07:00

My blog is in need of an overhaul. I think. Or I'm just SO bored today that I'll play with my blog design to pass the time. Either way, you guys are gonna LUUUUUUUVVVVVV me! Maybe not after I burn your eyes with some gawd-awful background color that is immediately blinding. LOL

Suggestions are welcome, along with (contstructive) criticisms. I imagine this will be a work in progress for the next............oh let's just say forever! :)

Let's have some fun!

Update - Ok so it's pretty bare bones right now. Bear with me. It's temporary. And I expect to hear from you if MY temporary lasts for ~~weeks~~ ~~months~~ ~~years~~ forever!

Work is gonna ban me from the internet.

2009-08-10T15:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was reading one of the blogs I follow and now I'll be lucky if they don't take away my internet access at work. (be warned that it's potentially NSFW, which is why they're going to ban me from the internet as work).

The post started out fairly tame. But then I read where it said that Target sells cock rings and I'm all, "The HELL???" So I read it again and I'm all, "WTF???" The author had to be making this up. HAD to be. So I clicked on the link.....and that was all it took. I immediately transformed into a teenage boy, doing my best imitation of Butthead:

Huh huh...huh...uhhhhh...huh huh...you said...huh huh...c-c-c-c-cock...huh huh...huh huh!

But in a much more dignified, womanly manner. Which means that I was drooling on my desk laughing so hard and trying desperately NOT to snort. Oh. My. Gawd. How a few simple words can reduce me to this.

The rest of the post was a blur, since my mind was totally focused on the fact that TARGET SELLS COCK RINGS. Nothing can worm it's way into my one-track mind at that point. So don't even try. After my teenage hormones had *somewhat* settled, I HAD to tell people, "Did you know that Target sells cock rings?" Which, of course, pretty much started the giggles all over again.

I don't know if I will ever truly be able to express my gratitude to her for helping to perpetuate my status of the troublemaker at work. Huh huh...huh huh.

updated The series of tweets that became a blog post.

2009-08-10T10:04:00.000-07:00

I've totally figured out the cure for my insomnia..........going to work.

It’s a payroll week and I’m busy, but all I can think of is closing my eyes and going to sleep.

Fuck people’s paychecks. They don’t need to get paid, right?

Oh all RIGHT! I’ll pay them, but then I’m putting my head down and going to sleep!

Ok, so I keep forgetting that I’m sending things to the printer. I get up to do something else and then realize I don’t have what I printed so I print it again.

OMG I’M KILLING TREES! I should be burned at the stake!

I need to be stopped cuz it's not enough that I'm killing trees by wasting paper. Apparently I need to burn them down too for my self-mutilation/self-sacrifice.

I'm going to hell.

Good thing I don't believe in hell.

And that the liquor store is just down the street.

Update: So that last line doesn't really make sense to me, which means I imagine that it *absolutely* doesn't make any sense to a lot of people. So, let me add that if I'm going to hell, I'll be the geeky popular wanna be who brings booze to desperately try to fit in.

Look out Satan.....here I come and I'm bringin' a keg to get the party started!

Auntie Stacey is a slacker.

2009-08-05T09:34:00.000-07:00

I missed the birthdays for my sister's kids this year. All. Of. Them. The fact that I can't even remember if I did anything last year for their birthdays is irrelevant. Most of last year I was in a drunken haze. So this year, I set up reminders on Birthday Alarm to help me with my alcohol-induced amnesia. Yeah, well...I think I need to upgrade to the package where they send you a messenger that repeatedly pokes you with a special event cattle prod until you actually DO something to acknowledge the event. To them, not you. It's all about THEM, remember?

I'm the fucking world's worst aunt.

So here I am, almost a week AFTER the last of their birthdays, and I am just now getting their cards done. I started with my neice's card. I figure that at 12, she is much more likely to get my humor than the other two (but I toned it down even for her - no need to traumatize her any more than is standard for the near teenage years). So here is how I try to somehow redeem myself:

Yep I know *exactly* how late I am with this. I do. Many days lately, I am a slacker. Auntie Stacey is a slacker! LOL Even though I am a slacker, I promise you I was thinking of you on your birthday. Were your ears burnin'? I telepathically sent you lots of love, so if you all of a sudden felt warmth and surrounded by a big invisible hug, that was me. :) We hope you had a great birthday! You've grown so fast and I can't forget holding you when you were a baby. Ok I'll stop embarrassing you now! Just know we love you! Happy Belated Birthday!

I hope she likes it and forgives me for being such a slacker. Maybe next year will be better. Depends on how much I drink, I guess.

Some days I just don't know how I'm going to do this.

2009-08-03T21:16:00.000-07:00

Having this time to myself just wasn't what I thought it would be.

When the husband said he was finally being sent out of town for work, I dropped to my knees and cried, "My prayers have been answered, thank you LORD!" But then I remembered that I'm agnostic, so that didn't really help. I thought that the time apart would be a good break from the tension in the house. And it has been. But along with that, came something I wasn't expecting. Something that I am having a difficult time explaining (even to myself). I found that I focused on how much I wanted to be free of this 'arrangement' and to move on with my life. To hopefully find love again. And I realized how scared I am that I won't be able to find it. That I won't be able to have a lasting, loving relationship (that is after the prince charges up on his white steed and sweeps me off my feet - good dream!). It keeps me up at night and helps me plot how I'm going to stab the husband as he sleeps cuz ~~I can~~ he snores.

I recently bought the eternity necklace above. I'm not superstitious. I just liked the idea of wearing these rings near my heart reminding me of things I need to hold onto through this tough time (cuz I couldn't find faith, trust, and pixie dust). If they don't work I can always start rubbing my rabbit's foot, knocking on wood, and spinning around clockwise 7 times.

P.S. I'm watching An Officer and a Gentleman on cable and they dubbed over & bleeped out the word wop. This country's going to hell. I should probably try to get some sleep, but the odds of success are not in my favor. Good thing the husband is not here or he would be in serious danger if he eyeballed me.

P.P.S. Oh, I need a drink.

Timing is everything.

2009-08-03T19:11:00.000-07:00

I just know I'm being tested. Tested to see if I can take care of things without the husband. So, of course the check engine light came on in my car when the husband is out of town. And I started to freak out.....a little. I was on the phone with the husband and he told me to take it to the Checker Auto near home to have them pull the code from the computer. I was told at Checker that they weren't allowed to actually do it for me, but gave me the tool & showed me how to use it. The scan tool wouldn't establish a link with my car & no it was NOT operator error. Next stop, Auto Zone. By then, I was comfortable enough to ask to use their scan tool, but the employee was nice enough to do it for me. The result was that my car won't blow up in the near future, but it does need to go to the dealer. Which means I better go to sleep early so I can get it to the dealer in the morning. Bumper-to-bumper warranties are the best.

Ok, world, I passed this part of the test. I'm ready for round 2.

I had to do it to make the voices go away.

2009-07-29T21:32:00.000-07:00

I just couldn't help it. Not one bit. While taking my daughter to return her library books (b cuz she told me *tonight* that the books were due back *today* - of course they were), I heard a voice quietly calling my name "staaaaacey". Then I heard it again a little louder "Staaaaaaaaaaacey". Well, I guess the voice wanted to make sure it wasn't ignored, cuz the next thing I heard was "STACEY GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND BUY ME ALREADY, OK?????" What could I do? Sure, I could have resisted temptation, but who needs a waistline anyway? I hear they're overrated.

I think I had my 1st drunk blogging experience last nite. How did I do?

2009-07-24T07:35:00.000-07:00

You know how after you do something you just have to "talk" about it, so you journal, blog, call your bff, etc. to tell about it? Well, that might not be the best thing for me to do when I've been drinkin'. Maybe it is. I dunno. I remember wanting to write about my BlogHer@Home experience last night, but I do not remember anything about actually writing it. And then I read it. LOL I keep going between "Don't ever fuckin' do it again!" (which movie?) to "Maybe you should do that more often!". Obviously, I'm leaning more towards the latter.

I'm honored to have the http://www.blogherathome.com/ crew visit my site, still being a somewhat new blogger. I (soberly) thank you for a laugh-out-loud funny nite and I really look forward to tonite & tomorrow nite.

I do have to say that I totally meant it when I wrote that you bitches are amazing. And I promise that I can be funny even when I'm sober.

BlogHer@Home is the bomb, and that's not just the booze talking.

2009-07-23T21:17:00.000-07:00

Just signed off from an awesome time at http://www.blogherathome.com/. It was awesome, just fucking awesome. The chat tonite had some awesome giveaways (I didn't win, but I'm still hopeful for tomorrow!) and some great laughs. If I didn't have to be an adult tomorrow and go to work, I would totally still be chatting there now. ;)

I'm more than lightly toasted, bordering on half-baked. The husband keeps trying to talk to me, but all I hear is, "Wah Wah...Wah...Wah Wah Wah...Wah Wah" (& if you have never watched a Charlie Brown cartoon don't EVEN ask, you baby!).

Ok, so I just put on my Beatles CD. WTF? Is this what I listen to when I'm drinkin? Hmmm....not that I can recall, but then again I don't really remember much right now. It's probably the booze talking. Or not. I just might be *that* weird. My friends can attest to that.

Anywhoo, you should totally check out http://blogherathome.com/, cuz these bitches are AMAZING! Hope to see you ladies again tomorrow. Thx so much for the hangover that I can complain about tomorrow. You'll never know how much it means to me. ROFL I should totally go to sleep now. Emphasis on *should*.

Updated Blog Hop '09 from the perspective of a (not so) noob blogger.

2009-07-22T22:35:00.000-07:00

Reading all kinds of blog posts & tweets about BlogHer '09, I was jealous. I admit it. I wish I was there hangin' with the big dogs, partyin' like it's 1999, & learning from the best. Not this year, though. After finding out about it fairly late, I 1st ticked off the reasons of why I wasn't worthy to attend & then said, "Screw it. I'm totally worthy!" But then, my mental birthday block temporarily lifted and I remembered that the cruise for my 40th is coming up. BlogHer had to take a back seat this year.

So here I am playin' Bejeweled Blitz with the green-eyed monster. And I'm not alone. I don't blame the others either; Bejeweled Blitz is the bomb. The good news is we're not left out. We can party from home and it's even better, cuz we don't have to spend all the money to go to Chicago. We can even party in our pj's! What's better than that? Come join Blog Hop '09 & meet lots of other bloggers out there. I'm definitely not gonna miss this!

Update - I just now caught that I had put Blog Hop '90 in my title instead of '09. The fact that I caught that after tossin' back a few just might be scary. Hmmmmm.....

They hire geniuses at Burger King, but only the lower level geniuses.

2009-07-16T07:50:00.000-07:00

There was no way to avoid getting breakfast on the way to work yesterday morning cuz I was starving. My options near work were REALLY limited, which meant.....Burger King. Oh joy. The total for my #1 with bacon and a small coke was $4.72. Perfect. I had a $10 and needed change to pay someone back. I pulled up to the window, handed the worker my money, and asked if I can have 5 $1 back. He stood there. And stared at me. Obviously, what he must have heard was "What is the square root of 5,732,945?". WE all know the answer to that, but apparently he missed that day at BKU. I didn't realize that asking for a specific denomination in my change would give him THAT much pause. Had he stood there any longer, I'm sure I would have started to smell smoke coming from his brain as he frantically tried to comprehend the meaning of life question that I posed to him. Wonder what he would have done if I had asked him a REALLY hard question like, "Do you like green eggs and ham? Do you like them, Sam-I-Am?"

D-Day approaches & I will storm the beaches of Normandy SLCC campus with guns blazing pencils ready.

2009-07-13T08:07:00.000-07:00

The start of the fall semester is looming in the not too distant future, so I figured it was time to take a look at where I am with everything that needs to be done to kick this pig. No, I'm not really going to kick a pig, unless you have ~~treasured~~ loathesome stuffed pig with the stuffing starting to come out that you want to loan me. If we do this, though, you should know it's safe to say that you won't get your pig back.

Wait a minute.....what the hell was I talking about? Oh yeah...college checklist. (Sigh) There are days I still can't believe I am actually attempting this torture yet AGAIN. But things seem to be falling into place pretty well & quickly, so that must mean that this is the right time in my life to get this done. 3rd time's a charm, right? Below is my initial checklist that just covers the basics at a high-level. I didn't think it was necessary to get really detailed by adding things like: (Under Apply for financial aid) Pull at least 1/2 your hair out trying to find all the required financial documentation that you thought you were through with once you finally got off your ass & filed your god damned taxes. That just goes without saying, right?

Apply/get accepted (completed)

Take placement tests (completed)

Complete New Student Orientation (completed)

Apply for financial aid

Select classes

Start classes VERY IMPORTANT!

I'm applying for financial aid while working on selecting my classes, cuz that's just the kind of ~~psychotic~~ awesome multitasker I am. I'm even finding time/energy to keep my blog updated with my academic escapades. Damn, I'm good. Now if I could just figure out what my major should be? I couldn't find professional alcohol consumer on the list. I'm at a loss.

updated You shouldn't piss me off in a room full of knives.

2009-07-11T21:36:00.000-07:00

Sadly, the husband & I are sitting at the kitchen table.....playing on our respective laptops. Yes, this is our Saturday night entertainment. I have yet to decide if we have no lives, are getting old, or are just too fucking lazy to do something decent on a Saturday nite. It seriously went downhill when the husband opened his mouth & inserted both feet (as he usually does). After a lull in the conversation, he says, "I'm looking on Travis' page right now." I asked, "His Facebook page? Are you still on Facebook?" He replied, "Yeah. His oldest daughter? Is really freakin' cute." And I'm all, "Dood! I'm sitting right FUCKING here!!!!!!!!!!"

Now I realize that this is pretty much a marriage of convenience (& certainly not the good kind of convenience), but I now keep looking over at the knife block, trying to decide if it's worth going to jail to make my point. Hmmm...decisions, decisions.

Update - The husband tried to get out of he hole he had dug himself into by saying, "If she were mine, she would be locked up."

So not helping your case dood.

I should be banned from all staff meetings.

2009-07-09T14:41:00.001-07:00

I'm usually pretty quiet in staff meetings. I keep my comments to myself until after when the little groups break apart into their more intimate bitch sessions. Today was another story. I had serious difficulty in keeping my comments to myself today when it came to discussing the merger/layoffs. Granted they were whispered to my friend sitting next to me, but still.....

Co-worker: I wonder what kind of morale booster they will have.

Me: cattle prod.

Co-worker: I'm sure they could come up with a really nice morale booster.

Me: oh...scented cattle prod.

She started rolling & I was laughing so hard I drooled on the table. Everyone else in the meeting was wondering what was wrong with us, especially when she got up to get me a tissue to wipe the table. Cuz no one wants to put their hands in someone else's spit, no matter how funny the joke was that caused it to be there. I think the department head was glad for the 5 weeks where I missed the staff meetings.

It's totally OK if it itches in public.

2009-07-09T09:43:00.000-07:00

I was reading a post from this awesome blog I recently started following. The part about a toddler complaining about poopie in her ba'gina got me thinking (after I got up from rolling around on the floor of course).

The sperm donor's sister had a wonderful son John James. One day many many many MANY years ago, she caught him scratching his boy parts. Really diggin in there, apparently. The following conversation is just too GAWD DAMN FUNNY to be made up:

Susie: John, don't scratch yourself there!

John James: But it itches mommy!

Susie: Well.........just don't scratch it in public.

John James: But what if it ITCHES IN PUBLIC?????

Obviously this happened before puberty set in and his brain migrated to his boy parts & lost the ability to think of these things, ask them, or even give a rats ass about them (and any men reading this,you know you were snickering before you decided to be all offended).

Kids totally rock.

I never thought I'd see the day when a layoff meeting would be a good thing.

2009-07-09T08:45:00.000-07:00

It's official.....I'm losing my job. There I've said it. I knew it was coming, so I wasn't surprised.

The merger closed June 11th pretty much right on schedule. From the day the merger was announced I knew Payroll would be absorbed. There were lots of rumors and speculation (what a bunch of gossipmongers!), but I tried to take them all with a grain of salt. I would not falter in my resolve that I was going to lose my job. It was easier that way.....no surprises. Well, no bad surprises anyway. If somehow I managed to survive this merger with my job intact, it would be a pleasant surprise. Much better, I think, than to hold out hope that I would be safe only to get the horrible shock that a significant part of my world was gonna come crashing down. That wasn't a risk I was willing to take, especially since the husband has been laid off twice in the past 6 years.

However, to say that I was okay with losing with losing my job depended on which day you caught me. I've been on a pretty interesting emotional roller coaster since the merger was announced. It's safe to say that I've been through all the phases of grief at least 5 times and not in any real particular order. I always came back to "what's next for me?" In some ways this could be the best way to move forward with the divorce. And then, there's the inevitable (& frequent) "WTF am I gonna do now?" I think out loud a lot, but have to be careful who I do that around, cuz if they don't know how I deal, I could inadvertantly burn a lot of bridges. Not good. The stress of all of it felt like a brick sitting on my chest, but it was manageable so I didn't worry about it much.

Until this week. We were told a rep from corp HR was coming cuz those who were losing their jobs had to be notified within 30 days of the close of the merger. Yesterday morning, I woke up and the brick had morphed into a 2-ton boulder on my chest. It was all I could do to get ready and actually come to work. I didn't really need to worry, though. My meeting was in the afternoon & I was ready to get it over with when my time came. They confirmed that my layoff date is 2/28/10 (still somewhat tentative) and that I will get a severance, which will be paid out in bi-weekly installments (the only thing I wasn't expecting). I got the feeling that the people in the meeting thought I would have some sort of breakdown. Hello? You're not really telling me anything I didn't already know. Besides, have you WORKED with the Main Sales Floor? They DRIVE you to want to ~~quit~~ drink excessively. My ~~brain~~ liver needs a break. Anyway, I walked out of that meeting with more options than I thought I had going in. I now know that I don't have to hurry to find a job. I've got time to check out ALL my options. I'm doing a lot of thinking outside of the box on this one, which is probably what I'm doing if you catch me muttering to myself.

Life goes on and as long as I stop finding gray eyebrow hairs, it will all be good.

What am I avoiding?

2009-07-08T09:41:00.001-07:00

Today? EVERYTHING!

Honestly, the answer to this question really depends on the day.

Farkle is the fucking Devil.

2009-07-07T21:55:00.000-07:00

I know I'm not alone in this and I'm asking for your help.

I'm recruiting members for a new firing squad which will have a single purpose: to destroy the creator(s) of Farkle. This won't really be surprising to them. They started this game for their own enjoyment and only turned it on the ~~rest of the world~~ Facebook community when they realized how addicted they had become. This was their revenge against their own Frankenstein monster. We need to put them out of their misery just as much as we need to be released from their curse.

They'll thank us, trust me.

Not all flashbacks are good.

2009-07-03T10:39:00.001-07:00

Disclaimer: This is a slightly to moderately gross post. Also, being a former Navy wife, I don't really think that people in the Navy who are on aircraft carriers are cowards or pussies. I have a great respect for all past/present/future members of our military. While parts of this post are totally accurate, my husband knows I'm kidding and so should you.

Every once in a while, the husband has navy flashbacks. Not combat flashbacks, cuz he was cowardly stationed on an aircraft carrier providing air support from a distance with all the other pussies. The flashbacks he has are of the serious hygiene issues that he developed during his time in the service, like many navy men (I SO hope this phenomenae does NOT happen to navy women) seem to notoriously develop. I'm talking about the fact that they lose the ability to keep their asses clean. That is, if they ever had the ability to begin with, in which case, the problem is seriously magnified. Along with this, they adapt an I don't give a shit (pun absolutely intended) attitude towards these issues. In fact, it becomes fodder for jokes. I spent enough time in the house the husband shared with some of them to see these issues firsthand. Hello? Four sailors sharing a house with as many others that could fit passed out (comfortably or not) on the available floor space with no care in the world except how drunk they could get? If there was a line for the only bathroom in the house? No worries, there's always the backyard.

Where was I? Oh yeah. These flashbacks are not pleasant for me. I mean, can I help it if I have a very good sense of smell? I realize that he would rather not be told that he fucking smells like shit (literally). I get that. I actually agree with him; I don't want to have to tell him that either. However, I would rather not be subjected to the reminders of the days when he wore his underwear for 5 days straight. In my mind, not too much to ask for.

Mondays are just not good days to try to make me think.

2009-06-29T22:09:00.000-07:00

Driving one Monday, I saw the Subway sign on the left side of the image. I kept reading it over & over, but was still not getting it. I was just about ready to pass the sign when it finally made sense to me & I started laughing my ass off (cuz Mondays also make things much funnier to me). I decided I HAD to get a picture of it after I passed it & turned around. The other side of the sign (right side of image) made me laugh even harder, so I made sure to take pictures of both.

I'm another step closer to finally getting a degree or falling flat on my face.

2009-06-26T20:32:00.000-07:00

I'm doing it. I'm really doing it this time. I'm going back to college to get my degree. I think.

I took my English and Math placement tests today so I can register for the fall semester. I really thought I would struggle with the English part more than the Math. After all, I was in Calculus by my senior year. What a fucking crock of shit. A serious wake-up call was headed my way ..... FAST.

The test started with the English portions and I was actually giddy (short-lived unfortunately) to get them out of the way first. There were a few pre-test background questions and then the actual test started. These two sections proved to be the easiest and fastest to take.

Then came the Math portions. There was only one background question that asked how well I knew Algebra. The possible answers were:

a) I don't know what Algebra is. (I shit you not)

b)Not at all

c)I used to, but I forgot it.

d)Fair

e)Good

Still thinking Math will be the easier test, I actually debated whether to answer d or e, but finally settled on c. Yeah.....it's sad to say how right that answer really was. As you can see from the test scores in the pic below, each math section went a just a little further downhill than the previous section.

Can't I just take the English portion twice & forget the Math? I didn't even bother trying to figure out some of the advanced math questions, cuz I knew that those brain cells were permanently damaged from one of my many nites of hard partying. That & they were actual proof that NO WAY have I EVER used advanced math outside of high school (so exactly why did I take those classes?). And none of the questions offered an "I drank my way through high school & a good chunk of the next two decades, so there isn't a snowball's chance in Hell that I will have the answer to this question.", so I did the only thing I could do..........guess. I'm not sure of the wisdom in requiring an answer to each question. What if? Just what if? Someone guessed at the questions and got them right? A possibly remedial student being told to register for college-level calculus. Hmm.....perhaps his luck would continue to hold out. Perhaps not.

So now I have my course placements for English and Math.

If I consider this logically, it looks like I'm about middle of the road on the math class I have to take. I don't know this for sure (cuz I haven't checked out the course catalog yet), but I refuse to potentially burst my bubble just yet.

And it may just be me, but I think I rocked the English test.

P.S. Logic does occasionally prevail. I just checked out the course descriptions, and I am around the middle. I can either take College Algebra, Quantitative Reasoning, Intro to Statistics, or College Algebra - Business. Apparently, I only managed to erase the last two years of high school math (Trig & Calc) with my binge drinking. Whew.....

P.S.S. I was right. I DID rock the English test. I'm supposed to take Intermediate Writing. I guess all these years of correcting Robert's atrocious grammar and my bullshitting really paid off. I hope they don't find out how full of shit I really am. LOL

I am gonna need a whole lotta ????? to get through tomorrow.

2009-06-25T09:18:00.000-07:00

I took tomorrow off work so that I could get all my appointments done in one day. As of right now, here's how tomorrow should go:

~~8 am - DMV for vehicle registration - Draper~~
8 am - College placement test - West Jordan (cuz the stinkin' DMV is closed on Fridays & so now I have to try to get over there right after work today...wtf? Good thing it's just down the street from where I work. & an explanation of why I'm taking a placement test is coming)

11 am - Latest chiro S&M session (except that it doesn't really hurt that much anymore so I guess it's just more of a manhandling session now. Nice!) - Riverton

12:15 pm - Orthodontist appointment (daughter) - Riverton (right across the street from the chiro...I actually caught a break there.)

2 pm - Hair appointment (me) - Sandy

4:15 pm - Eye doctor appointment (daughter) in Orem

HOLY FREAKIN' CRAP! Let's throw something else in there that needs to be done in Ogden while we're at it cuz I really don't think I'm gonna be driving enough tomorrow.

To find my life story at Blockbuster, you would need to look in the Comedy section.

2009-06-25T09:04:00.001-07:00

No.....greek tragedy.

Wait.....no.....drama, total drama.

Um.....actually.....horror.

Romance? No.....I think not.

Just like there's no way it can be action-adventure.....lol.

Hmm.....

Fantasy? Definitely some of that in there.

Let's see.....war? On occasion.

What about adult? Oh hell no, everyone knows it's definitely not that.

Mystery? Absolutely! Just don't expect to find out the solution, cuz I'M still waiting for that one!

'One Of These Days' gets me every time

2009-06-22T10:37:00.001-07:00

One Of These Days by Tim McGraw

When I listen to the last chorus of this song:

One of these days I'm gonna love me
And feel the joy of sweet release
One of these days, I'll rise above me
And at last I'll find some peace
Then I'm gonna smile a little
Maybe even laugh a little but
One of these days I'm gonna love me

I reflect on my life & I get very teary. I hope that one of these days I'm gonna love me too.

I can totally talk to animals. Some days just take a little more alcohol than others.

2009-06-18T22:25:00.000-07:00

Tonight's human-feline discussion:

Anya (cat): Meow!

Me: Come here. (She rubs against my leg and walks around the table to face me again.)

Anya: Meow!

Me: Come here. (This time she rubs against my hand & lets me pet her for all of 3 seconds before walking around the table again.)

Me: Come here.

Anya: I presented myself for the obligatory petting, now fucking FEED ME!

I'm wondering just how much vodka is left in the bottle.

if i could go back in time, i would totally kill the person who invented scales, but with my luck i would erase my entire existance

2009-05-31T18:08:00.000-07:00

i made the mistake of stepping on the scale yesterday for the first time in quite a while. the resulting display made me think that 1) the husband kept putting one of his feet on the scale with me when i wasn't looking or 2) scales don't like to be left alone and lash out at their owners for not taking care of them (i.e. not using them). of course i stepped on it twice just to be sure the mechanisms didn't get all funky from being stored vertically. i certainly didn't want to reaffirm what i had already been shown on the display. unfortunately, i couldn't get that lucky. the second display was exactly the same as the first.......215.5. i know, i can't believe i am divulging this horribly high number for all to see either. it's not even the highest i have been, but it's a number i just can't seem to get away from and that scares the shit out of me.

there are some days when i look in the mirror and think that, for being almost 40 and having had two kids, i look pretty fucking hot!!!!! other days, i go through self depricating phases of no one in their right mind would want to fuck me. not helpful, yes, i know. i try to focus my thoughts in a different way. by that, i mean, to concentrate on my health and that the rest of it will somehow fall in line. that could very well be. and after my last annual exam, i know that my health has got to come first. my blood tests show that i am borderline type 2 diabetic and that my hdl cholesterol (the good kind) is low. both of which can be corrected with "diet, exercise, and weight loss" (to quote my doctor's wonderful nurse who made me desperately want to scratch her eyes out over the phone when she told me). i know she was right. i've known that i need to do those things for years now. we all have things in our lives that we 'know' need to be done, but we have trouble when it comes to the actual application of those things. i do hope that by hearing it from my doctor's standpoint and ~~voicing~~ it for all the ~~world~~ internet to ~~hear~~ read, i can get a better handle on it and make some real progress. then maybe i will be totally fucking hot and that there would people lining up around the block to fuck me. i'll keep you posted.

i guess the simple questions can be the biggest stumpers

2009-05-04T08:16:00.001-07:00

during the past month, i sent 2 requests to the customer service deparments of 2 different websites. i filled out the required fields of their forms and clearly explained my questions in the comments fields. BOTH of them sent me an automated response expressing their sympathy over my difficulties with their sites and gave me the generic instructions on how to use their site and where to find help on the sites. um.......HELLO? IS ANYBODY IN THERE? would i be ASKING for help if the answer to my questions were not found already on the site? are you KIDDING ME? i do not understand why is it so difficult to get a customer service department to answer a simple f'n question. perhaps my 1st mistake was asking them via their website (or email) instead of calling someone directly. one of the reasons i don't do this is b cuz i will no doubtedly encounter a rep who will say something utterly stupid causing me to unleash a stream of 4-letter words that would probably make even ~~ron jeremy~~ the diceman blush (being married to an ex-sailor comes in handy sometimes).

i received the 2nd reply this morning, and already being in a monday mood, i immediately start drafting my response:

you are the 2nd customer service person in the past month to not even
BEGIN to answer the question that I ACTUALLY ASKED!!!!! is there some
incompetance virus that is being passed around companies? or perhaps it's
just that you are all too lazy to do your freakin job! what is the
point of having a comments section if you don't even BOTHER to read the
comments?

i did manage to do this w/o any 4-letter words, amazingly. then i had a moment of pause & decided i'm not quite ready to send this reply. i did save it though, while i try another option. but if i get anything similar to what i received this morning, it will be the 3rd strike in my book & i'll declare open season on customer service reps. and before anyone starts in on me about how hard that type of job is, don't even go there. i've had that job & i'm well aware that it doesn't take much to show the customer that you are listening to what they have to say. trust me, that small effort goes a LONG way.

at least i won't have to resort to turning tricks on the street in the immediate future

2009-05-03T20:25:00.000-07:00

after 3 months, i finally got some more definitive news on the merger and my job. only a slight delay, since we were told that we should hear something within 30 days of the initial announcement in jan. since payroll is considered a key position, the tentative plan is to keep both my boss & i around until feb 2010. if i stay until then, i will receive approx 5 months severance. uncle sam will take a hefty chunk of it (motherfucker), but it will still give me a few months buffer if i need it (which i hope won't be the case). i'm glad to have some idea of what to expect. i always knew that i was going to lose my job, but not knowing when was driving me insane. think this may explain my recent increase in alcohol consumption? hmmm.....perhaps. i told my boss that one day soon i may start grieving for my job loss, so if i come in to work bawling, she'll know why. or at least one reason why. lol

i haven't written in a while & i think i see a trend with my blog posts. they seem to stop a little before that "time" of the month and don't pick up again until after it is well over. coincidence? i'm thinking no. lol i'm grateful twitter has been my blog stand-in, cuz i can write little bits during this angsty time instead of a long bitchy post where it seems like i could use a couple of stiff ones. i'm also reading like crazy these days as another diversion, but it totally could have something to do with the books i'm reading. steamy vampire romance novels..........VERY nice!

the green-eyed monster came to visit this weekend, cuz one of my best friends is relaxing in hawaii while i'm stuck in freakin' utah. so not fair. hawaii is on my list of places to visit, so i am very VERY jealous that she is there without me. so what if she has her husband with her? i should be there! (i know you know i'm kidding tanya cuz i can hear "you're a dork!" all the way over here on the mainland. ROFL)

this weekend was fairly uneventful. i got some alone time when the husband took ashley out on some errands. i had some errands to do myself on saturday, but decided to take advantage of the empty house. but then of course, the errands still needed to be done.....today. afterwards, i treated myself to some retail therapy. nothing that would get me into too much hot water, but just enough to make it a good day.....for me. but i think someone had a problem with my shopping spree, cuz the skies opened up and hailed on me! wtf? i didn't spend THAT much! and no i'm not taking it back, so there! lol

and exactly how big will this something be?

2009-04-19T22:50:00.000-07:00

today's horoscope reads:

something big is coming, and it might come before you are completely ready for it! so preparation is the big theme for you today, and you'd be wise to double check your finances. look for opportunities to travel -- do you have all your shots? is your passport valid? there are clues dropping regarding all things romantic, and by the end of the day you will probably have enough information to make an educated guess. things are going to start getting exciting!

i dunno if i'm ready for any more excitement.

i have no intention of growing old gracefully...i plan on fighting it kicking & screaming the WHOLE way

2009-04-17T12:00:00.000-07:00

i'm not old. i may be nearing 40 & blind as a bat without my contacts/glasses, but i am NOT old. & i'm sure i will continue to say that even on the day i get put in a home. i've been lucky in that i don't look my age (at least that's what other people tell me & it's managing to make it past the short-term memory dump i seem to have each night, so who am i to argue?). i don't even have a problem with my age, usually. i'm not sure, but the day my son graduated from high school & the day he turned 18 might have been exceptions to that. i really don't remember much of those days. anyway, i always say, "you're only as old as you feel", which helps me forget at least for a little while. tequila & beer helps too. the bottom line is that i don't actually feel like i'm finishing up my 4th decade on this earth.

that was until..........

i saw a piece of lint in my eyebrow recently. i started pulling on it & i became like the mother in the movie bachelor party where she's trying to take the 'footlong' off the tray from nick the dick. it wouldn't come off! so i was all, "the hell? the HELL? OH NO! A GREY HAIR! in my EYEBROW? guess i can't complain too much. at least it's not a pubic hair!"

it's the 1st one i have ever found, but that doesn't say much. the past 10 years i've been dying my hair to destroy any evidence of ...... (if you've known me longer than that, you know, but plz don't tell) i could have a shit load of them and just not know it. why couldn't the grey hair be there? then i could gladly live in blissful ignorance.

now begins the debate: to pluck or not to pluck? you hear a lot these days how it's bad to pluck your eyebrows. natural is better. fuck you. if we were all natural, we'd all have bushy cavewomen unibrows. that's attractive. i leave mine alone for the most part, except for the strays that must have come from my monkey ancestors that SO need to just stay buried in the past. and this stupid grey hair is right in the middle of my eyebrow. so what to do - leave it alone or pull that mf'r out as fast as i can? it could leave a gaping hole in my eyebrow. how would i explain that? "um, we had a little laser pointer mishap at our last staff meeting. that's actually fucking awesome.

i haven't actually decided yet what to do with it, even though each time i see it i lean more towards plucking. i should just do it & get it over with. then i can go back to my mantra, even if i'm the only one who believes it. i still don't feel old. i just hope it doesn't multiply & spread. the day i find a grey pubic hair will be a sad day indeed.

update - i guess there will come a day when even i won't believe the bullshit that comes out of my mouth. i fell asleep during the digital scrapbooking webinar i took last nite. i'm screwed.

the 'love' of a good friend

2009-04-13T20:20:00.000-07:00

don't know what i would do without my friends. especially those that are nearly as warped as i am. case in point:

me: hey hunny! wacha doin?

donna: oh.....i'm gettin' outta my pants.

me: wooWOO BABY!

donna: ha ha that's right. just for you.

me: i'm so special!

donna: i don't get outta my pants for just anyone.

me: that's right!

penis doggie, penis doggie, penis doggie.....haha now it's stuck in your head too!

2009-04-12T20:15:00.000-07:00

ever wonder how certain things just get stuck in your head?

yep, me too. LOL

my most recent experience with this phenomena was after reading this blog post. i now cannot get 'penis doggie' out of my head. it's awesome!

the white truck with the dangly balls.....

2009-04-11T10:42:00.000-07:00

i was driving to a recent chiro appt, minding my own business (which is not entirely true, cuz i was on the way to the chiro & cuz utah is chock full of idiot drivers. lol). i didn't have much farther to go when i got behind a white truck with something hanging below the rear bumper.

i was all, "the hell? what IS that?" so i took a closer look.

& i was all, NO FUCKING WAY! that truck does NOT have testicles hanging on the back of it! but what else could have been? exactly! lucky for me, the truck was in the turn lane next to me when i had to turn to go to the chiro. i quickly take these crappy cell phone pics before we have to turn (cuz i'm a responsible driver in a sea of idiocy, remember?) i then notice that there is a bumper sticker in the back window that says:

how's my driving
call 1-800-eat-shit

was i surprised? hell no! why wouldn't a truck with testicles hanging on it have that bumper sticker? i was still laughing when i got to the chiro.

the next nite, i was out with some work friends, havin' some drinks, and some laughs. i remembered that i still had the pics on my cell phone and started to show them to the co-worker sitting next to me. this shit was just too damn funny:

i admit, there was A LOT of alcohol involved. but can you look at these pics & not laugh? i didn't think so.

me: oh! you gotta see what i was driving behind yesterday! (taking out my cell phone)

micah: was it the truck with the dangly balls?

me: YES! (now laughing my ass off again) how did you know?

micah: i've driven by it too before. (he's laughing too). it's a white truck.

me: yes.

i would rather have driven nails into my skull than hear these songs back then.....

2009-04-06T13:07:00.001-07:00

Dexy's Midnight Runners by Come On Eileen

i was ready to call the radio stations & pay to get them to stop playing this song. it's funny now, because if the song comes on, you can catch me singing, "come on eileen ta-lu-ri-ay!"

Culture Club by Do You Really Want To Hurt Me

culture club did not impress me when they 1st hit the scene. and it didn't help that this song always seemed to be on the radio. all it took were the those 1st three words, "give me time", and i was desperately searching for a new station. but culture club had other songs that i really like and eventually i came around to this song.

Nena by 99 Red Balloons

99 red balloons/99 luftbaloons.....this song drove me batty! you never knew whether the station would play the german or english version. either way, i was scratchin' my head thinking, "wtf is she trying to say?" and the english version made no freakin sense at all. this song still makes my ears bleed, although less than it used to.

where's a pensieve when you need one? oh wait, here's some super glue. that'll work.

2009-04-06T10:51:00.000-07:00

i'm finding that i need to keep something to write on near by at all times. you can't find a room at home that doesn't have a notepad of some sort in it. if i don't write my thoughts down right away, then i either 1) over analyze it and change it until it doesn't even closely resemble what i initially thought of to begin with (and then of course is totally NOT funny) or 2) i tip my head at some point afterwards and the thought just falls out of my brain with no pensieve to go into. i wonder sometimes if it's just possible to super glue the thoughts back in my brain? wait! sniffing glue. there's the solution. when the thoughts fall out, i can snif some glue & then stick the thougths back in there. & if i use super glue, that shit is NEVER coming out. i might have just come up with a cure for alzheimers. i should totally be a doctor.

death by acne

2009-04-06T10:35:00.000-07:00

last nite, i was looking in the mirror & noticed that my face has broken out yet again. i also was feeling kind of low, so i started to put 2 & 2 together – my zits are making me sad. the possible reasons for this are: 1) my zits are full of quaaludes or 2) they are tapping into my next bought of pms. both of which are advocates against the “no touch” general rule for zits. if i’m right, pop away! you gotta get that shit out of there before they spread. if they are full of quaaludes & spread, there’s always the danger of od’ing. my death certificate would read, “death by acne.” awesome. if they are just coming from the pms, well…..i guess the only question would be, “could i really be anymore of a bitch?”

the answer depends on just who you ask.

updated the shock treatments didn't work.....or did they?

2009-04-03T10:57:00.001-07:00

there might be a problem when an innocent lunch invitation turns into inappropriate daydreams. i mean, is like everyone out there a potential bed buddy in my mind? wtf?

i think the shock treatments have backfired. either that or they were trying to turn me into a nymphomaniac where no one is safe. that would be awesome.

update - i gotta call saying that the treatments will be increased. there was also a mention of upping the voltage. apparently i've become a danger to society. damn.....i was just starting to come around to the nympho idea.

it's gotta be a house of ill repute disguised as a chiro office.....

2009-04-01T20:19:00.000-07:00

another day, another chiro appt. i actually was dreading going today, cuz the adjustments still hurt like a motha, but.......... well, ya know.

after the adjustments, the chiro checks my strength in my hands. my left hand isn't that great yet, but it is getting better. he decides to work on my forearm/elbow some more to try to help. he begins to tell me about a new attachment he is getting soon. says its for the vibrating massager tool & that it really strips the muscle. and i think, ok, that could be interesting. he explains that it has a blade on it & kind of shows me with his hands what it will feel like (apparently only deeper). so i ask if it's a deep tissue massager and he says yes. he then explains that it CAN cause bruising. wh-wh-wha-wha-what? stripping & bruising? um, what the HELL have i signed up for? and then i just start rolling on the table & i can't stop.....

s is for the.....

2009-04-01T10:52:00.000-07:00

in today's quest to avoid my work, i came up with an acronym for snow. as you can imagine, it is snowing again today. i know i have said this, but i am done. i am SO done. i am BEYOND done. and no i'm not exaggerating.

if it helps, i am hearing the tune to "m is for the..." in my head. among other things. the voices are really the ones that told me to do this.

S is for the slick & slippery roadways

N is for the nimrod idiots who don't deserve to have a license (and might not actually have one) & have no business being on the road (ok so that line doesn't quite fit with the tune....bite me!)

O is for the OMG!.....I.....CAN'T.....STOP!!!!!

W is for when will spring really be here?

you may think i'm bitter from reading this. do i SOUND bitter? do i? DO I?????

OF COURSE i'm fucking bitter!!!!! LOL wanna criticize? come here 1st & drive in this crap & then try to criticize.

a perfect example of why i share my blog with so few.....

2009-03-30T11:20:00.000-07:00

i find it extremely funny how people who haven't had kids (& even some who have had kids) have such strong ideas of what they would or wouldn't let happen to their kids. AND make sure that they tell you about it. honestly, unless you're in the EXACT same situation, you really have NO idea of what you would actually do, right?

RIGHT!!!!!

i do have an example. this isn't jsut mindless ranting (well some might say it is, eh tanya? lol). my daughter has an eye prob (phpv - but i won't bore you with all the details) for which she has had 2 surgeries. that doesn't include the 1 that was cancelled in the middle of it cuz the dr just wasn't comfy with how everything looked once he started cutting open her eye (which you would think he would have determined BEFORE he started cutting, but i digress.....). she has been seeing a pediatric opthalmologist since the age of 2 & there have been varying degrees of patching & filters. each time her vision improves, we scale back on the patching/filters to see how well she can maintain & hoping that we're near the end. BUT..........my daughter always finds way to slack off & then her vision gets worse again. so then it's back to more agressive patching. this time was no exception. her last 2 appts had been good - not only maintaing the vision she has but even improving a little. friday's appt was a WHOLE OTHER STORY. her vision deteriorated AGAIN cuz she's looking over her glasses & closing the eye that she's supposed to be working on. her current eye dr is a no b.s. kinda guy & he doesn't take any crap. if my daughter doesn't do what she's supposed to, he reprimands her. and on friday he made her cry. i have no problem with this cuz it's the only thing that gets through to her.

so this morning i was explaining to my boss about it & she got all offended saying that she wouldn't let anyone talk to her child like that. wtf????? 1st of all - she doesn't even HAVE any kids! & 2nd - she's heard about the struggles i've had with my daughter & she's OFFENDED b cuz a dr is making her feel bad for not doing what she is supposed to? i'm sorry, since when has she become a kid's johnnie cochran? she hasn't been immersed in this like I have for the past 7 years, so i really don't think that she grasps the real problem here. she obviously missed the whole point of the conversation. i don't care that the eye dr made my daughter cry. in fact.....BRAVO DUDE! thanks for gettin' our back cuz she's obviously not listening to US. i mean, COME ON! so he made her cry? she'll live. & maybe.....just maybe.....she'll think twice next time she tries to look over her glasses & decide it's not worth mom, dad, AND the eye dr yelling at her. problem solved!

maybe some day i'll get to a point where i can share this blog with anyone & say, "i don't care if you don't like what i write. tough shit.....sue me!" but for now, i'm just grateful that i can write............whatever.

my chiro is into s&m & i can't fucking find 12 cents.....

2009-03-27T15:28:00.000-07:00

the chiro says that i’m getting better. i’ve gained more range of motion in my neck & i have less numbness in my fingers. but my arm still hurts like a bitch! he wants to start a little more aggressive therapy to get more results faster. so after 4 wks, we’re finally onto the ‘manual’ adjustments. oh joy. i’m wondering if these adjustments aren’t akin to s&m. thank goodness he’s easy on the eyes & has a good sense of humor, otherwise i’m not sure i would let him do this to me. freak! can’t i at least get some foreplay first? ROFL! he actually started these adjustments last friday, and while i really did feel a difference afterwards, they fucking HURT!!!!! guess that just shows how screwed up my body is. i’m still going 3x/week and then we’ll see what’s next after another 4 weeks.

this week being a payroll week didn’t fail to disappoint. the msf pulled their usual crap to try to get paid on sales that they really shouldn’t have. they are getting better about accepting the word ‘no’ cuz they know i won’t put up with their stoopid whining. i’m sorry, you want to get paid on this contract when you didn’t follow procedure? TOO FUCKING BAD!!!!!

i’m playing with new toys on the computer/internet. well, they’re new for me!!!!! since i seem to be much better at communicating on the computer, than any other method, i’m checking out things that just might possibly help me do that (in one form or another) like plinky, twitter, & flickr. i already spend hours on the computer each week, so why not add some more? lol

the work day is nearly over, & i’m so glad cuz i’ve been bored out of my ever lovin’ mind!!!!! with all my normal tasks done (as much as can be) and all the special projects in a holding pattern until more boxes are ready, i’ve been dying!!!!! i’m so glad that i had my hair appointment today to help break up the day. i came back to work feeling vewy pwetty & not giving a rat’s ass about finding the 12 cents i’m out of balance on the payroll report. that’s what monday’s are for.

~~no real plans this weekend~~ need to finish up my mk inventory this weekend so that we can finish our taxes (that is unless i talk myself into getting up at the butt crack of dawn & driving to centerville to go to a craft warehouse sale with all the other crafting idiots in the state). maybe next year i’ll get my shit together & be better prepared for tax time. eh? prolly not.

i just remembered that i’ve not mentioned that i was even going to a chiro before now. but that’s ok, those that know me know that i’ve been going to one. it’s all good.

& yes, my cat is still alive & my hair elastics are safe…..for now.

i swear my cat has a secret death wish.....

2009-03-25T12:40:00.000-07:00

either that or she is seriously sadistic.

for some strange freakin' reason, my cat likes to play with my daughter's rubber bracelets and my hair elastics. she takes them, carries them in her mouth, bats them around, chews on them, and then drops them in her either food dish or water dish. and it's usually the water dish.....ew. while she does this, she's usually crying at them. does she think they're gonna talk back? i dunno. she mostly does this when no one is home cuz she thinks she can get away with it. it also gives us "presents" when we get home. both my daughter & i were bad about leaving those things out, so i started making sure that everything was put away so the cat wouldn't take them.

the cat caught on. i still found my hair elastics in her water dish even though i KNOW i had them put away. come to find out that she was OPENING THE DRAWER they are in & STEALING them for her play time!!!!! this made me start to question what the hell she was thinking, cuz she knows she gets yelled at when she takes them. so why would she deliberately go into my drawer and take them? are they orgasmic for her? wtf????? i took a new tactic, closing the bathroom door. if the door is closed, then she can't get into the drawer & steal my hair elastics, right?

wrong. cuz it never fails that someone (myself included) forgets and leaves the bathroom door open. & she's just waiting to pounce on such an opportunity. she's now not afraid to try this while we are home, as long as we are downstairs. she's been caught slinking downstairs with the elastic in her mouth seeing if she can get past us without being seen. of course i get furious at her & she freaks. but does she stop doing it? hell no.

so yesterday morning, i'm getting ready for work. i took an elastic out of the drawer and set it on the counter. before i finished my hair, i ran downstairs to do something on the computer. i was gone FIVE MINUTES. i went back upstairs & continued to get ready. meanwhile, the cat is downstairs crying. sometimes she does this to make sure that she is not alone in the house. i didn't think it was anything more than that.....at first. but she kept crying & crying & crying. then it doned on me.......SHE FUCKING STOLE MY ELASTIC!!!!! i looked at the counter, and sure enough.....it was gone. so i take off downstairs fuming, ready to KILL. the cat was under the table with my elastic. she started to bolt, & i know she was thinking, "oh shit.....i'm fucked!". i blocked her path, so she tried to get around another direction.....blocked again. then she crouched down under the table, so she must have decided she better just take it & get it over with. the whole time i'm yelling at her & she's crying back at me. as if her pleas would have any affect on me, cuz tomorrow she would do the same thing in a heartbeat if i let her. i wasn't even finished ranting at her & she managed to get free & take off. damn! what a let down! lol but i finished getting ready for work in silence.

i got home from work last night. the cat came down the stairs, saw me, & bolted right back up. so at least i know the impression is still there for now......my hair elastics get a temporary reprieve.

we should line up the tv people in front of a firing squad for their crappy series finales.....

2009-03-24T07:30:00.000-07:00

i'm wondering if tv isn't just a big conspiracy. you may be asking if i'm just ranting.....damn straight i'm ranting! you get hooked on a show & it never fails that for SOME reason, the freakin' rug gets pulled out from under you.

i got hooked into kyle xy on abc family. watched it diligently like a good little minion. i noticed not too long ago that all the previews were saying "the final episodes". and i'm all crap! another show i like being cancelled! do i have cooties or something that causes the shows i like to be cancelled? i still watch (being the good little minion that i am) and i have to say there was a really good build-up to the series finale last monday. the finale itself kept my interest & i'm waiting for all the little pieces to fall into place the way they're supposed to in a final episode. then i notice the clock. it's getting awfully close to the end of the show, and yet, nothing has really been resolved. and i'm thinking "damn they better wrap this up quick!" well, THAT TOTALLY DID NOT HAPPEN! they literally dropped a few bombshells that left the story WAY too open. wtf????? don't do this to me! i'd love to just line 'em all up in front of a firing squad for getting me all excited & then dash my hopes of a (if even somewhat) happy ending over & over & OVER again!

i found this great recap that absolutely says it all. and click here to see some answers from a writer/co-producer of the show.

why the hell do i even bother watching tv anymore? cuz i'm a good little minion.....

snow snow go away, come again .......... NEVER!!!!!

2009-03-24T07:17:00.000-07:00

mother nature needs to stop screwing with us. last week was gorgeous - by friday, we were in the 70's. a little soon to be that warm, but we weren't complaining. sunday came and all bets were off. the temp started to drop, it was really windy & we got a little rain. no biggie. i can handle that. by monday am, it was snowing AGAIN!!!!! i mean, come on! no more f'n snow! i'm DONE!!!!!

why should i make a bucket list? i'm going to live forever.....

2009-03-23T11:57:00.001-07:00

yep, i'm in my 'immortal' frame of mind again. lol but, i guess i could list a few things on the off chance that i DO actually kick the bucket. limiting the list to 5 (cuz that's what plinky asked for) is harder than you think and if i were to really do the list right, it would be MUCH longer (as i'm sure most people's would). you also may notice that i seem to be in somewhat of a daredevil phase..... (would you say #5 counts as that? lol)

take a ride in a hot air balloon
i've always wanted to do this. it looks like it would be such a peaceful ride & i imagine the view would be beautiful! every year, provo has a hot air balloon event as part of their freedom festival (4th of july). it's so amazing to see all those balloons take off early in the morning.....

get a bachelor's degree
yeah, i'm pushing 40, & i still have not done this. my 'year off' from school (as i told my parents when i grad from hs) was indefinitely extended. life has a tendancy to intevene in even your best laid plans.....

go skydiving/bungee jumping
why the hell not? live life to the fullest! what i do think is funny, though, is that i have issues with those slingshot-type rides at ammusement parks. and yet i want to throw myself out of a plane/off a platform & hope that i don't go splat on the earth below. interesting, don't you think?

travel to greece/ireland
i'm combining a couple of places from my travel goal list for this one. these are two places i would really love to see before i 'go'. i seem to be drawn to islands/water. does that mean something?

make love in hawaii under a waterfall
but not with just anyone.....

it's a duel - pistols pianos at 10 paces keys on main at high noon 9 pm.....

2009-03-15T18:17:00.000-07:00

i've been in utah for 6 years now, and i've been to a total of count 'em one.....two bars here. and both have been within the last year. obviously i haven't converted - how can you even think that? lol with the price of alcohol here + the private club ‘memberships’ (which, finally, are due to go away july 1), it was kind of a pain in the ass to go to clubs for me. well, as the last year has proven, i refuse to let that stop me anymore.

sat nite i went to keys on main with some friends from work. it's a dueling piano bar in downtown slc. i’ve been to one before in dallas and had an amazing time. i had heard great things about the keys & could not wait to get there! let me tell you the best way to do this is to take trax. trax stops right in front of the bar. you don't have to worry about paying for parking, let alone finding a spot. and afterwards you’ve got time to sober up on the train. score! now taking trax can be quite entertaining. this time was no exception. some dumb ass decides he’s gonna fuck with the people on the train & starts walking through the car yelling, “tickets!”. he started doing this right behind one of the friends i was with and she actually started to take hers out. that is of course until she realized who was really yelling. he also pulled this trick to new passengers who got on at later stops. whatever floats your boat, dude – you’re a fuckin’ idiot.

the music was great! they played lots of good stuff. the way it works is you request songs w/$$. if it’s played, the song can be stopped for at least $1 more than it was requested for. then can be restarted for at least $1 than it was stopped for, and so on. ‘friends in low places’ was requested, but i guess the players weren’t really wanting to play it, so they kind of encouraged someone to stop it. and someone did. it was a bummer, cuz that song is hella fun (did i really just write ‘hella’? oh fuck!) to sing. luckily someone else felt the same way, cuz they payed $50 to get it going again. totally worth it! especially when they played the verse where you get to say ‘kiss my ass’! we were singin’ loud and laughin’ hard all nite. (trav, they played that tenacious d song you sent me last week to embarrass this one girl. must not have been too embarrassed though, cuz she demonstrated her fav posit on cue multiple times & it was fucking awesome!)

we left the bar just as the show ended, so we could be sure to catch the last train to clarksville (a.k.a. sandy) to get back to our cars. i made the mistake of not going to the bathroom before we left the bar. so the whole train ride back i’m doing EVERYTHING possible to NOT fucking pee my pants cuz we’re still laughing our asses off. at one point, i innocently mentioned that i was the same age as one of the friends on the train. OOPS!!!!! i said earlier that nite that i’m not afraid of 40 (i’m not) but she said she was, so when i mentioned that we were the same age………well you can kind of guess what happened next (but you should know that it was funny as hell – not bad). i had to promise to bring in orange slices to make amends. damn, she’s easy!

we parted company when we got to our trax station & i had one goal (ok 2 goals but i had been holding for so long already, what’s another 30 min.? lol)……………FOOD!!!!! there aren’t too many places open at 2 am, but one of them is a dive mexican place that has really good breakfast burritos. i grabbed one and headed home. i walked in the door & headed straight for the bathroom, where i stayed for like 5 min (is that a record? eh, prolly not), and then ate my food. i must have been starving cuz i ate the WHOLE burrito & i never do that (they are pretty big & have lots of stuff in ‘em). & then? i CRASHED!!!!!

i woke up yesterday morning looking like a racoon and my throat raw from all the singing and laughing. but then it gets weird. my hips and legs are fucking killing me, like i’ve been ridden hard & put away wet. wtf????? we’ve all heard of drunk booty calls, but is there such a thing as a DREAM drunk booty call (cuz there is absolutely NO way in hell that i got any)????? what other explanation could there be? i tried last nite to start this blog post, but i guess i was still in somewhat of a drunk daze, cuz i couldn’t seem to do more than write a few facts. i just didn’t have the mental capacity to do it up right. so i left the draft in there, and allowed it to stew for a bit, knowing that something good would come to me.

so now, we’re to this morning. the drunk daze is gone, but i have like 5 frogs in my throat cuz apparently i still haven’t learned to project from the diaphragm. and………… i remembered to bring the orange slices. i’m all set.

updated i think pandora has been taken over by the trolls from 'the 10th kingdom' that sang the bee gees cuz they thought it was magic.....

2009-03-12T14:58:00.000-07:00

pandora is my savior at work.....no joke. it also makes me freakin' laugh my ass off sometimes!

today i was listening to the kc & the sunshine band station i created recently cuz i absolutely needed something upbeat to keep me awake. i took a break from listening, but forgot to pause the music. when i finally went back to it, i scrolled to see what had played and i see that 'lady in red' played. wtf? really? it's a damn disco station, and it played 'lady in red'? freak! my boss has said that her abba station plays the beatles and other weird stuff too. don't get me wrong, i have nothing against any of these bands/songs at all. but when i'm in a mood for a certain type of music, if something weird gets thrown in there, it totally throws off my mojo. lol and it's just weird that they're being played on disco stations. diiiissssscoooo. so i start to think that pandora has been taken over by trolls. and not just any trolls, but the trolls from 'the 10th kingdom'. if you've ever seen that tv show, you know the trolls of which i speak. the trolls go to through a portal to modern-day nyc trying to find a prince who's been turned into a dog by an evil witch who is trying to kill him. they happen upon a cassette boom box that has the bee gees 'night fever' in it and think it's magic. they take the boom box & play the song over & over until the batteries die and they chuck it cuz our magic sucks. lol i think they decided to take my disco music to their kingdom and leave me with freakin' 'lady in red'. just great.

update: thank god for you tube (can i say that if i'm agnostic?). if not for you tube, those who have not seen 'the 10th kingdom' would be sitting there scratching their heads, asking, "wtf is she talking about? trolls in pandora and on tv?"

you should know that the trolls didn't actually think the bee gees were magic. they thought the boom box was magic. but if you think about it, the bee gees really are magic i think (& there's no way you can convince me otherwise so just suck it!) no man can sing THAT high without some kind of magic. maybe it's magic psychedelic mushrooms that make you fall asleep while playing 'whiter shade of pale' so vines can grow all over you and make you never wake up. lol

i turn the radio (regular radio - not pandora) on as i'm frantically trying to find my daughter's new school on my way to work this morning, and 'stayin' alive' is playing. i shit you not! fate is a funny thing. i had to laugh even harder cuz the station was playing aha's 'take on me' over the top of it. i think the trolls have gotten in there too.

goodbye jim.....

2009-03-12T08:37:00.000-07:00

my son's grandfather (the sperm donor's dad) passed away on monday. my son is taking this really hard and i feel for him. they had the wonderful opportunity to really get to know each other. i'm so glad for that. i don't have many details, but my understanding is that it was cardiac failure of some sort. it is sad that he is gone, but i was told he didn't suffer, which is good.

i can't say that he & i had the best relationship. for a long time, the man thought i was the anti-christ, the devil incarnate or something inherently evil. however, he did come to realize at some point that it totally takes two to tango & that i wasn't the worst parent in the world. once he did that, things changed between us. i know that he was only looking out for his family and after all that, i can honestly say that he was a good man.

rest in peace jim. you will be missed.

i'm looking for someone with a position available on his penis.....

2009-03-08T21:39:00.000-07:00

so i'm watching a house re-run where house is at the cia. he says to another dr, "you know, i have a position available on my penis.", and i was all ready to strip off my clothes and jump into the tv screaming, "i'll accept that position, hell yeah! i've got an 'ache' that only you can cure." then i ride him right there on the hospital bed, restarting his heart a couple of times until we're both screaming in ecstasy cuz i'm just that fucking good. hoo-ah!

can i really be that fucking hard up? i must be cuz my fav vibrator and dildo are getting more frequest secret visits from me after dumb ass (a.k.a. the husband) has gone to sleep. granted, that's not the most preferred option, but the member i would love to have a position on is not an option right now. the owner is not talking to me for some reason, and even if he was, the 1700 miles that separates us still poses a pretty significant problem.

looks like i'm still not gettin' laid. crap.

breakfast of champions..... maybe not.....

2009-02-06T09:14:00.000-08:00

my work brings in free breakfast each friday, which i will greatly miss when my job ends up in the shitter. it's not anything spectacular ..... muffins or doughnuts mostly with the occasional bagels thrown in. sometimes i just wonder if this company is secretly trying to make us all fat. it could happen.

today's treat is muffins. and not just any ol' muffins ....... COSTCO muffins! a few of the mixed muffin packages with some fruit thrown in for those that refuse to subject themselves to the gelatenous mess (i will explain) that is the costco muffin. i generally gravitate to the blueberry muffin when there is one bcuz i've been waiting for the inevitable throng of people to subside (free food??? HELL YEAH!!!!!). and when there isn't, chocolate/chocolate chip, bcuz apparently i just don't have enough self-loathing these days.

i manage to get to the break room while there is still a blueberry or two left. they don't look the greatest, but then again it is free food. i then stop to talk to a co-worker about mindless shit, cuz it's friday. i start picking off the top of the muffin and eating it, cuz i'm freakin' STARVING. i notice that the muffin itself is blue, and not just the blueberries. i'm guessing the baker was just f'n lazy this morning and couldn't bother him/herself to DRAIN the berries before adding them to the batter. Cuz, it takes all of, like, 10 SECONDS????? moving on ..... i take off the top of the middle, and have to ask "when did they put PUDDING in muffins?" and then i realize ..... my 1st thought was EWWWWWWWW! remember still talking about mindless shit with my co-worker so anything more coherent is probably out of the question. and then i start to wonder just how hungry am i? so i finish my conversation, refusing to touch the now questionably revolting muffin in my hand, and head back to my desk. by then i'm remembering how starving i really am and decide that i can totally pick around it. so i end up scooping out the "gelatenous mess" from the middle and finish my breakfast. what a way to start the morning! i'm so thankful it's friday..........

happy valentine's day? buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2009-01-29T20:12:00.000-08:00

i admit it. i receive emails from an online adult store. there, i said it. sometimes the stuff in the emails is just too unbelieveably weird. i received an email today from them and at the top of the message it said:

last chance - 25% off all vibrators for valentine's day!

and i'm thinking, who in the HELL would give a vibrator as a valentine's day present? i realize that many try to give something different than the more common candy or flowers. but, really? a vibrator? i guess nothing says true love more than a junk buzzer. well, some might actually agree with that.

maybe hallmark should get in the adult product biz. their new slogan could be "when you care enough to send the very best .......... orgasm".

finding my rat park.....

2009-01-26T11:25:00.000-08:00

i read an article escape your rat race in a recent o magazine that talks about how most people will tend to stay in their familiar "cage" rather than face the unknown even when the cage is the worst place for them to be. they keep themselves from finding their "rat park".

when i thought about many of the decisions i have made in my life, i saw that i have been keeping myself in familiar situations, rather than allowing myself to find my more ideal life (note how i didn't say perfect life). after reading this article, i feel better knowing that finding that ideal life won't require any major changes. it's just a matter of focusing on what feels psychologically "warmer" to me and making small changes as i go along. i can definitely do that.

so hopefully soon i can honestly say that i'm in rat park. it will be a much better place, i'm sure.

since when is the universe so in tune?

2009-01-23T18:06:00.000-08:00

so.....i honestly thought the 1st one was funny as hell. now it's just gettin' freaky. this was my horoscope on friday:

Your recent push toward getting to know someone has created good results, but it's wise to quit while you're ahead. Pull back and let them start pursuing you. Pushing even harder to spend more time with them is not going to create better results -- it's only going to freak them out! Giving them a bit more space will show them that you respect them. Suffocating them and demanding their free time only shows them that you are selfish -- which you are not! Stop chasing and let yourself be chased.

now, i have recently been reconnecting with an old friend. yes, i did go see him last weekend. and yes, it could have the potential of something more in the future. and i know that the best thing for me to do right now is to not push anything to happen (too many complications in both our lives).

so i'm wondering when did the universe get so in line with my thoughts and what is going on in my life? freak!

it is written in the stars.....

2009-01-12T19:39:00.000-08:00

here's my horoscope for today:

No matter whether it's in terms of friendship or romance, you deserve a relationship that is based on mutual respect -- is that what you have? Take a long, hard, honest look at your relationships, today. If you don't feel like you are getting what you need, it's okay for you to be more demanding. After all, others are demanding, too, from time to time, and you usually respond very favorably. Doesn't it stand to reason that they will be responsive to your needs as well?

this so fits where i am right now. i will explain soon.....

no one would blame me, right?

2009-01-12T11:14:00.000-08:00

if i just smothered my husband with a pillow? i'm not really serious, but this morning, it was dicey there for a bit. i've pretty much been up since @ 3 am this morning. and it's all bcuz of him & his freakin' sleep apnea! crap! he's had it for years, but was diagnosed and started treatment only in the last year or so. now.....let me paint a good & clear pic for you. his snoring is HORRIBLE!!!!! it's progressively gotten worse over the years to the point where it started either keeping me from falling asleep or waking me up in the middle of night. and many times both! i told him to go get it checked out, but did he? OF COURSE NOT!!!!! why should he listen to me? i don't know anything. when he was injured a couple of years ago, the hospital staff told him the exact same thing i had been saying. he still didn't get it checked out. freak! meanwhile, he complained that he wasn't getting decent rest (DUH!!!!!) and that would just set me off. OF COURSE he wasn't getting decent rest, cuz he'd stop breathing a million times during the night. HELLO??????? finally he got into a sleep study and was diagnosed with (.....wait for it.....wait for it.....TA DA!) sleep apnea. HOLY FREAKIN SHIT! what a breakthrough! he was placed on a cpap immediately and the pressure is set very high. the mask he has to wear shifts during the night and makes anywhere from a low whistle to a high howling noise. this is helpful? then of course during the night, he takes it off. what happens then? he snores! can't i get a break here?

so this morning, the mask starts making the howling noise @ 3 am. what does he do? takes it off and immediately starts snoring. i'm awake by now so once the snoring commences, it's nearly impossible for me to go back to sleep. i finally get up & get ready for work @ 6, and i doubt that i will make it through the day today. but, i will try. and, i will try not to smother him with a pillow tonight. however, if i am unable to resist the urge to have a relatively decent night's sleep myself, no one would really blame me, right? LOL

& the career rug is pulled out from under me.....

2009-01-08T19:42:00.000-08:00

i get into work this morning and find two emails. one states that our company is being purchased by another larger one. the next is that there are meetings this morning to discuss the first email. while in the process of reading these emails, a group from my department came back from one of the meetings and says that i really need to go to the next meeting. the ceo was running the meeting and said that the merger was a really positive thing. of course it is......for him. i'm sure he stands to get a nice chunk of change from all of this. there's not much that can be said at this point bcuz the deal is not closed yet. what information was available said that they were excited to be able to bring "most" of the existing employees over, but that duplicate positions would be eliminated. i work in payroll - that is definitely a redundant position. any person considering this merger logically would recognize that hr, payroll, and accounting would be at the top of the list of positions to be eliminated. so while it's business as usual until the deal is closed, i may only have a job for the next 6-8 months. ugh!

time to say goodbye.....

2009-01-06T08:36:00.000-08:00

my son is leaving today to go back to california. he's been here for just about a week and it's been so great having him here. it only took 11 years for him to be able to come visit me, but that would have to be another post.

i hate saying goodbye. it sucks.

where'd that come from?

2009-01-06T08:23:00.000-08:00

i had such a strange dream the other night. really strange for me. as usual, i have forgotten a lot of the details. however, i do remember that obama was in it. wtf????? i am not a politically minded person, so the fact that the president elect was in my dream, and in the part of my dream that i remember, is just too weird for me. WEIRD i tell you!

oh, but it gets so much weirder........ i may not remember many details, but i do know that the dream was sexual in nature. let me say again.....WTF????? am i the new monica lewinsky? the new scandal to take down the first african american president in history? holy crap, i'll be FAMOUS!!!!!

i know that you can't take dreams at face value and that the whole thing is probably representing something else going on in my mind (something going on in my mind? me? nah, not possible. there's nothing up there. i've got blond roots, remember?). when i woke up, though, all i could think about is how out of left field that was. note to self: no more of those, please. i'm begging you. LOL

the snow finally got me .......... damn it!

2008-12-22T09:28:00.001-08:00

in the past 6 yrs here in utah, i've managed to drive pretty well in the snow. my record is now broken, ugh! friday we got hit with a bad storm. it was pretty much whiteout conditions. my dept was allowed to leave early bcuz of the storm. i left work and was getting on the freeway. my car started to slide around a corner and i hit a cement edge. crap! it snapped off part of the rim and screwed up the alignment. luckily no one else was involved and the damage was not that bad. it certainly could have been a lot worse! but, damn it! i was doing so well! LOL

xmas is not nearly here.....xmas is not nearly here..... (click ruby slippered heels together 3x)

2008-12-19T07:57:00.000-08:00

I'M NOT READY YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

the removal of talon

2008-12-15T08:22:00.000-08:00

life isn’t fair. no, this is not news to me. i’ve been well aware of this for quite some time now. sometimes, though, life is just more unfair than it should be.

last night, my friend had to surrender her adopted 6-month old son, talon. a large group of family, friends, and neighbors gathered to support my friend and her family at this difficult time. originally, the family was told the baby would be taken at 6 pm. i arrived at their house at about 5:40 pm. around five minutes later, someone came outside and announced that the baby wouldn’t be taken until 7 pm and that everyone could go either come back closer to then or go inside the house. many wondered, including me, if the delay was a ploy to have fewer people at the house. i decided to stay and went inside to see my friend. she was standing inside the door with talon sleeping in her arms. i hugged her and couldn’t hold back my tears. i whispered how sorry i was, knowing that my words would do little to ease her suffering. i stayed in the house for a while, amazed at all the love and support inside and outside of the house. i really had no idea what to do and felt somewhat helpless, but i heard someone say that it was enough to just be there. two local news crews were there interviewing my friend and others in the house. a police car arrived at 7:15 pm with a car seat then left. the supporters outside, who were talking amongst each other, became quiet. after a while (not sure what time it was), more police cars arrived escorting another car. the people outside were asked to clear the walkways. the supporters began to sing a hymn. my friend and her family brought out talon, placed him in the car, said their final goodbyes, and watched as their son was taken away. i didn’t see anyone there that wasn’t emotional at this point.

my friend has been in a legal battle practically since birth to keep talon. the birth mother, an admitted heroin addict, chose my friend’s family as the adoptive parents. after giving birth and signing over talon, she changed her mind and wanted him back. the birth mother is part native american and got the tribe involved to help get the baby back. the day that talon turned 6 months old, my friend was told that they would have to surrender him to the tribe. both of the birth parents have been deemed unfit due to their drug use, however, so talon will be placed in foster care. this just doesn’t make sense to me! how is it right to take talon from a loving, stable home and place him in foster care just because he is part native american? he doesn’t even have enough blood to be considered for admittance into the tribe, and yet they have fought tooth and nail to make sure that my friend’s family can’t have him. it’s just so wrong! i had the wonderful opportunity to meet talon on friday. i was able to hold him and feed him. he was such a joy to be around. even when he was hungry and tired, he was always happy. the love in the house was so apparent from the moment you walked in, even with all that they’ve been through. so, for me, it is hard to grasp how the tribe can take him from that loving home and place him with strangers.

you can read talon’s adoption story by clicking here. you can also click on the links to see the news stories for ksl channel 5 and kutv channel 2.

step sister - a new definition

2008-11-30T22:38:00.000-08:00

it's taken nearly 20 yrs, but i finally met my other step sister this past weekend. holy cow - has she redeemed my view of step sisters. i have 2 others that have in some ways been very much like drizella and anastasia. and certainly way more often than i would like. i really enjoyed meeting the other one, though. she is 10 yrs younger than me and has a 2 yr old little girl. it was such a pleasure to spend time with them. and her little girl was so cute! i definitely look forward to getting together with her again in the future.

as for the other 2 i have, let's just say that absence doesn't always make the heart grow fonder. (insert evil laugh here - hahahahahaha!)

thankful that thanksgiving is over.....

2008-11-30T22:23:00.000-08:00

yea! thanksgiving is really over. whew! that's not the normal response you might hear, but it is normal for me. lol i'm not a real fan of the holidays, so i'm usually counting the days until the new year just for them to be done and over. don't get me wrong, i'm not a "bah! humbug!" kind of gal regarding the holidays. i can't even explain why i feel this way in general. i seem to recall a lot of family holidays feeling forced rather than cheerful. that could have something to do with it. i can say that in the last decade, my annoyance with certain aspects of the holidays have not helped. for example, whose f'n brainstorm was it to start putting out xmas items in the stores before halloween? are ya kiddin' me? hum de dum, i'm looking for a costume for my child, but 1st let me stock up on xmas wrapping paper and lights for my house. lol and what's with one of the radio stations out here playing xmas music 24/7 from the day after halloween? gets so bad that by the time xmas does roll around, you might hear me scream at the 1st notes of a xmas song. there might be a reason that many people put a little kick in their egg nog. ;)

a little over the top? perhaps. lol but i don't think i'm completely alone in my thinking. i am thinking that xmas time would be a good time to go someplace warm & forget about all this. especially if it's a white xmas which would make me also be thankful for my 4-wheel drive. lol!

a job i actually like? is that even possible?

2008-11-28T21:06:00.000-08:00

i'm 2 months into my new position as a payroll clerk and i really like it. the job is very much what i was told it would be - lots of excel work (pretty much 95%). i get to use my excel skills and have also been able to expand my skill set in a short time. it gets even better, b cuz i was made a permanent employee last month. woo hoo! i have benefits now. :)

Still a Utah Hostage

Moving Day

Wordless Wednesday - Wasatch at Night

Reflecting on 2009

This is exactly why I don't talk about the sperm donor.

Fifi saved me from another possbly embarrassing situation.

Mormon Graffiti

Wordless Wednesday - the best picture EVAH!

I don't understand.

Wordless Wednesday

Hell really has frozen over and I can prove it.

On My Mind

WTF?

I'm turning WHAT?????

Purge, purge again, and just when you think you're done, purge some more.

Gigglesnort of the week

Up yours Winter.

Happy Birthday USMC.....damn you're old!

Six Word Saturday

The flashback that made me want to get physical.

Spooky Six Word Saturday? Perhaps not.

I've made my bed, but there are some days I really don't want to lie in it.

*updated* You go to hell winter! You go to hell and you die!

*updated* I will not let Twitter ruin my good mood.

Nearing the 1st semester half-way point.

Getting a spider put on your fingernail is a bad idea. Cuz you'll probably die. Or go to prison. Where you'll die. Or become someone's bitch.

Gigglesnort of the week - 10/5/2009

Six Word Saturday

Gigglesnort of the week

Countdown to New Moon

My mood at the beginning of the evening would have fit in better at a 2 Live Crew show instead of a Rick Springfield show.

My 1st Girl Talk Thursday

Picture Day is an evil plot to destroy parenthood as we know it.

Dancing in the street? Maybe not today.

Six Word Saturday

One week down.....

Tales of a 5th grade superstar!

*updated* It's blog play time with Stacey.

Work is gonna ban me from the internet.

*updated* The series of tweets that became a blog post.

Auntie Stacey is a slacker.

Some days I just don't know how I'm going to do this.

Timing is everything.

I had to do it to make the voices go away.

I think I had my 1st drunk blogging experience last nite. How did I do?

BlogHer@Home is the bomb, and that's not just the booze talking.

*Updated* Blog Hop '09 from the perspective of a (not so) noob blogger.

They hire geniuses at Burger King, but only the lower level geniuses.

D-Day approaches & I will storm the beaches of Normandy SLCC campus with guns blazing pencils ready.

*updated* You shouldn't piss me off in a room full of knives.

I should be banned from all staff meetings.

It's totally OK if it itches in public.

I never thought I'd see the day when a layoff meeting would be a good thing.

What am I avoiding?

Farkle is the fucking Devil.

Not all flashbacks are good.

Mondays are just not good days to try to make me think.

I'm another step closer to finally getting a degree or falling flat on my face.

I am gonna need a whole lotta ????? to get through tomorrow.

To find my life story at Blockbuster, you would need to look in the Comedy section.

'One Of These Days' gets me every time

I can totally talk to animals. Some days just take a little more alcohol than others.

if i could go back in time, i would totally kill the person who invented scales, but with my luck i would erase my entire existance

i guess the simple questions can be the biggest stumpers

at least i won't have to resort to turning tricks on the street in the immediate future

and exactly how big will this something be?

i have no intention of growing old gracefully...i plan on fighting it kicking & screaming the WHOLE way

the 'love' of a good friend

penis doggie, penis doggie, penis doggie.....haha now it's stuck in your head too!

the white truck with the dangly balls.....

i would rather have driven nails into my skull than hear these songs back then.....

where's a pensieve when you need one? oh wait, here's some super glue. that'll work.

death by acne

*updated* the shock treatments didn't work.....or did they?

it's gotta be a house of ill repute disguised as a chiro office.....

s is for the.....

a perfect example of why i share my blog with so few.....

my chiro is into s&m & i can't fucking find 12 cents.....

i swear my cat has a secret death wish.....

we should line up the tv people in front of a firing squad for their crappy series finales.....

updated You go to hell winter! You go to hell and you die!

updated I will not let Twitter ruin my good mood.

updated It's blog play time with Stacey.

updated The series of tweets that became a blog post.

Updated Blog Hop '09 from the perspective of a (not so) noob blogger.

updated You shouldn't piss me off in a room full of knives.

updated the shock treatments didn't work.....or did they?

updated i think pandora has been taken over by the trolls from 'the 10th kingdom' that sang the bee gees cuz they thought it was magic.....