if i could go back in time, i would totally kill the person who invented scales, but with my luck i would erase my entire existance

i made the mistake of stepping on the scale yesterday for the first time in quite a while. the resulting display made me think that 1) the husband kept putting one of his feet on the scale with me when i wasn't looking or 2) scales don't like to be left alone and lash out at their owners for not taking care of them (i.e. not using them). of course i stepped on it twice just to be sure the mechanisms didn't get all funky from being stored vertically. i certainly didn't want to reaffirm what i had already been shown on the display. unfortunately, i couldn't get that lucky. the second display was exactly the same as the first.......215.5. i know, i can't believe i am divulging this horribly high number for all to see either. it's not even the highest i have been, but it's a number i just can't seem to get away from and that scares the shit out of me.

there are some days when i look in the mirror and think that, for being almost 40 and having had two kids, i look pretty fucking hot!!!!! other days, i go through self depricating phases of no one in their right mind would want to fuck me. not helpful, yes, i know. i try to focus my thoughts in a different way. by that, i mean, to concentrate on my health and that the rest of it will somehow fall in line. that could very well be. and after my last annual exam, i know that my health has got to come first. my blood tests show that i am borderline type 2 diabetic and that my hdl cholesterol (the good kind) is low. both of which can be corrected with "diet, exercise, and weight loss" (to quote my doctor's wonderful nurse who made me desperately want to scratch her eyes out over the phone when she told me). i know she was right. i've known that i need to do those things for years now. we all have things in our lives that we 'know' need to be done, but we have trouble when it comes to the actual application of those things. i do hope that by hearing it from my doctor's standpoint and voicing it for all the world internet to hear read, i can get a better handle on it and make some real progress. then maybe i will be totally fucking hot and that there would people lining up around the block to fuck me. i'll keep you posted.

i guess the simple questions can be the biggest stumpers

during the past month, i sent 2 requests to the customer service deparments of 2 different websites. i filled out the required fields of their forms and clearly explained my questions in the comments fields. BOTH of them sent me an automated response expressing their sympathy over my difficulties with their sites and gave me the generic instructions on how to use their site and where to find help on the sites. um.......HELLO? IS ANYBODY IN THERE? would i be ASKING for help if the answer to my questions were not found already on the site? are you KIDDING ME? i do not understand why is it so difficult to get a customer service department to answer a simple f'n question. perhaps my 1st mistake was asking them via their website (or email) instead of calling someone directly. one of the reasons i don't do this is b cuz i will no doubtedly encounter a rep who will say something utterly stupid causing me to unleash a stream of 4-letter words that would probably make even ron jeremy the diceman blush (being married to an ex-sailor comes in handy sometimes).

i received the 2nd reply this morning, and already being in a monday mood, i immediately start drafting my response:

you are the 2nd customer service person in the past month to not even
BEGIN to answer the question that I ACTUALLY ASKED!!!!! is there some
incompetance virus that is being passed around companies? or perhaps it's
just that you are all too lazy to do your freakin job! what is the
point of having a comments section if you don't even BOTHER to read the
comments?

i did manage to do this w/o any 4-letter words, amazingly. then i had a moment of pause & decided i'm not quite ready to send this reply. i did save it though, while i try another option. but if i get anything similar to what i received this morning, it will be the 3rd strike in my book & i'll declare open season on customer service reps. and before anyone starts in on me about how hard that type of job is, don't even go there. i've had that job & i'm well aware that it doesn't take much to show the customer that you are listening to what they have to say. trust me, that small effort goes a LONG way.

at least i won't have to resort to turning tricks on the street in the immediate future

after 3 months, i finally got some more definitive news on the merger and my job. only a slight delay, since we were told that we should hear something within 30 days of the initial announcement in jan. since payroll is considered a key position, the tentative plan is to keep both my boss & i around until feb 2010. if i stay until then, i will receive approx 5 months severance. uncle sam will take a hefty chunk of it (motherfucker), but it will still give me a few months buffer if i need it (which i hope won't be the case). i'm glad to have some idea of what to expect. i always knew that i was going to lose my job, but not knowing when was driving me insane. think this may explain my recent increase in alcohol consumption? hmmm.....perhaps. i told my boss that one day soon i may start grieving for my job loss, so if i come in to work bawling, she'll know why. or at least one reason why. lol

i haven't written in a while & i think i see a trend with my blog posts. they seem to stop a little before that "time" of the month and don't pick up again until after it is well over. coincidence? i'm thinking no. lol i'm grateful twitter has been my blog stand-in, cuz i can write little bits during this angsty time instead of a long bitchy post where it seems like i could use a couple of stiff ones. i'm also reading like crazy these days as another diversion, but it totally could have something to do with the books i'm reading. steamy vampire romance novels..........VERY nice!

the green-eyed monster came to visit this weekend, cuz one of my best friends is relaxing in hawaii while i'm stuck in freakin' utah. so not fair. hawaii is on my list of places to visit, so i am very VERY jealous that she is there without me. so what if she has her husband with her? i should be there! (i know you know i'm kidding tanya cuz i can hear "you're a dork!" all the way over here on the mainland. ROFL)

this weekend was fairly uneventful. i got some alone time when the husband took ashley out on some errands. i had some errands to do myself on saturday, but decided to take advantage of the empty house. but then of course, the errands still needed to be done.....today. afterwards, i treated myself to some retail therapy. nothing that would get me into too much hot water, but just enough to make it a good day.....for me. but i think someone had a problem with my shopping spree, cuz the skies opened up and hailed on me! wtf? i didn't spend THAT much! and no i'm not taking it back, so there! lol